Work and our more connected modern reality

Was 15 when first got a job through a program in the state of Georgia, USA, for disadvantaged youth. Where my family most of my life had been lower middle-class, but a divorce had changed everything. Then experienced life in a poor family.

That first job was helping state forestry workers. Was 40 hours a week. They would work to find things for me and the other teenagers to do. Was minimum wage, of course, but definitely appreciated it.

Would get work later at 16, doing the usual then for teenagers. Like worked at a grocery store doing things like bagging groceries back when that was still usually done for you. And later worked at a fast food place. And graduated high school, and went on to college with a full tuition scholarship to Vanderbilt University, where did work-study there.

After college, completely my fault though 1991 was considered a difficult year for gaining employment got my degree without immediate employment. And I decided felt like enlisting in the US Army which turned into a great decision. Though was much from mixed reasons though yes, wanting to serve my country was one of them. Had been drawn to the US military by a movie remarkably enough. Watched Flight of the Intruder over and over again. But though movie was about people in US Navy was not keen on being on boats.

So much ponder how make decisions. So was 22 years old and made a pivotal decision as best I could with what I knew then.

Could keep going with jobs, but now reflecting as needing to find a new one, with new skills recently obtained as finishing up an accelerated course on heating and air conditioning. Where thanks to deciding to take that course, other things opened up as well thanks to community support to help me get fully back on my feet financially.

And I wonder about decisions and how we make them. So much works out for me, in time, but not necessarily the way I ever expected might. And still the questions.

Now too have better perspective about how information flows, and how some things can be not so intuitive. Like posted about receiving a car recently and that hit local television news. But routinely bump into people who never saw any of it. Is that something to share or not with a potential employer?

If you think yes, then is that really contextual to a job? If you say, no, consider that employer is likely to find out eventually, anyway. As eventually SOMEONE who DID notice that coverage is likely to bring it up as a remarkable thing! So why should they not remark?

That helps explain better I think the way the web shifts things with our modern reality.

Yes, you can have things out here where maybe some people notice but most do not. And be in a situation where it can be debatable as to whether or not to share with others in any given particular situation. Where it is likely that in time that information will get to them, regardless.

In a key post I noted how unsettled I became when found out some web things of mine were pulling attention on a global basis, without me having much guidance on how to react. Have had people ask, why would I even bring it up? And now feel like can explain better why transparency and honesty actually are not just good in general, but also are pragmatic in our web enabled world.

Which suits me. Sure can find difficulty in the moment with employment, but would rather face that squarely than have to live with myself for the rest of my life without my values. Besides have learned very much more the value of community, and the many benefits of service to community.

Life lessons at best can come with a price. There is no way how things have gone on the plus side for me to to worry too much about the negatives there have been as well.

Life has its up's and down's. Can always keep in mind am working on net positive.


James Harris

Considering vehicle of opportunity

Am glad began to talk more about the personal financial struggles here on this blog which have lead to me living in a Salvation Army shelter. Helps had already started that and trying to explain here in a very public place helps me try to figure it out myself! How did someone with my skill sets find himself with so much difficulty making money?

Here also is the place to talk how the web has been so much a part of that as if reading, you can wonder yourself, how did you get here? How do you even know about me on a planet of billions where more and more people are coming online? How are YOU reading here?

Oh yeah, so the update is that yesterday was the recipient of a car, at Geico in Macon, GA, USA. And also now have a Section 8 voucher, where was prioritized as a veteran which is my key to getting out of the shelter. All received as part of programs to help needy people as transportation can be so important, and yeah for me is a vehicle of opportunity. Already talked in a post learning new skills at VECTR and amazing things keep happening, through that facility.

And should mention required a LOT of service organizations where a primary was United Way through a program called Mission United. And Macon Housing Authority did quite a bit as well.

Organizations that are doing as much as they can and working hard to figure out more, and good when can connect with folks like at Geico, and to me now is that need for it all to work out GREAT.

Is kind of ironic to me as well, as not surprisingly, as received a car, there was local media present. So my FIRST television interview was yesterday and to me, was not really about me. Was about opportunity and a nation dedicated to figuring out how to take care of veterans in need.

Which is a great thing.

We have a nation with massive resources and a lot of great people who really want to help. And is a matter of figuring out how. So am grateful for more opportunity with a sense of the responsibility there as well.

Better perspective now too on when is good to have a personal blog, for really permanent public information that can be relevant to others. Am completely in charge of content here and nothing is being coordinated with others.

There is no way HERE that I would have it any other way.

Is great that control which is telling. My public self is my responsibility.

Web is such a new thing, and am working to figure it out.

Amazes me still how you can have people, maybe a very few really, know of you ALL over the globe, and wonder what that signifies. Yet so much important is about the people in front of you, where you need to work, and how you will get around.

Tomorrow is Veterans Day, and our nation has a lot showing the appreciation for the service of so many who are the reason we have a nation today. And I am appreciative as well, and glad to be counted as one, where active duty military service was over two decades ago. From the age of 22 to 27, served my country in the US Army, primarily at medical centers.

And that younger me, took care of older me without any clue how that was also getting included. Sure I knew I would get that status of veteran but there was no thought in my mind of needing it as I have lately.

Reality is bigger than us all. And also yes, I do thank God for so much I barely understand that somehow works out, without any expectations there beyond knowing must be part of something far greater than me.

So yeah, now literally have a vehicle of opportunity, and a responsibility with it. So much still up to me to get done as get to steady income which is the one thing still must have to be back to fully being able to take care of myself.

Just sat down this morning to get some things down and maybe will edit a bit. For ANY of those organizations mentioned or people associated with them, if have ANY concerns about things put down here, please let me know. Or any concerns whatsoever, I want to know.

We have a new kind of public now which am working to figure out.


James Harris

Better when reality is checked

These days seems less remarkable to me to state that finding out web things of mine were pulling interest from more than 100 countries was disconcerting. For years struggled more silently in ways on the subject while have talked various ways on my blogs, like here.

Main thing is just seems so weird. And did not connect with what I knew or thought I knew of what are consequences around such a thing, how it happens, or what it signifies. Now I know that I just didn't know much that was true and problematically people lie a LOT in this area.

Like I discovered most of what I thought I knew about people often called celebrities--was a fiction. And a deliberate fiction for money-making purposes, which now am like, ok.

For me though the facts are where things matter especially checkable facts. Where have reached out for help, like as a veteran, and trot out something like being potentially known in over 100 countries and have had that information ignored.

Well I think the US Congress needs to get a clue and direct federal agencies to update to the 21st century, please. And specifically top to bottom all federal employees are to accept that objective factual reality when presented to a federal employee especially when that can impact the nation as a whole if ignored that can be grounds for termination.

Actually, I think it already is.

To me the main problem is: people who really are not listening to those they are supposed to help where am in a unique position to show how dramatic that can be.

That is very sad but consequences are very real, like with veterans not being helped in the best way.

Am in a much better mood as contemplate lessons learned and was good to go back to school as have done if only to remind myself of what I can do. Also struck me that learning technology around air conditioning and heating makes sense in a world where climate change may make such technology a matter of life and death. Someone like me needs to understand it thoroughly.

Where do I go from here? Right now am still in school but yeah, still need an income. And would happily work doing things like repairing home air conditioning, if only to stay away from the responsibilities of my position earned by the knowledge I have gained.

Part of me is like yeah, and another part of me is like, really?

Get stuck on that reality: can put up things that pull global interest and should maximize potential in good ways. Maybe now am less worried as well about other things where quite frankly, so-called celebrities were just freaking liars. Which is not to dismiss celebrity itself or ALL folks with the celebrity label.

Was just surprised by some checking of the reality found could do. And lots of times there definitely was a fiction created for promotional purposes. And in some cases, yeah felt was dealing with total fakery. But is an opinion.

Definitely am a fan of plenty.

Oh yeah, so how can someone reality check me? Is easy. So have multiple things that pull interest from over 50 countries. But these days my open source software project is the one thing that is routinely showing around 100. So far this year is only 98 countries though according to stats on SourceForge which I just checked.

How can you check me? On any search engine you can search: class viewer

If you go to the SourceForge site you should see downloads. Doing it myself I see 33 this week. Click on those stats and I see 430 downloads for quarter with 19% from the US. Click on countries and I scroll down to see that was from 65 countries. Time period is from July 15 through October 13.

So yeah, 65 countries in last 90 days. You can change the dates to do other things like I checked year to date to get that 98 countries.

Where reference much as is readily available information to the public and is where the total countries are most dramatic. The open source project itself is just a basic tool for Java developers which I put up on SourceForge back in 2004. Why is it still downloaded from so many countries? Guess is still useful.

Such simple facts, easily checkable, and what do they mean exactly? Well for any government worker you have verification of my global status. And if you ignore? What is wrong with you?

And why do you think you should still continue working for the federal government if because you ignore facts about me, you cannot truly help me? And THAT is your JOB?

We are in the 21st century now. Am past tired of having to deal with people who act as hostile gatekeepers because they work for our federal government yet refuse to properly acknowledge the web.

So they cannot help me.

There is just so much for me to learn have realized. Where really am kind of in a school for the web with lots of reasons to figure things out, where that has been true for well over a decade.

As gain more working knowledge of my particular situation and of the web can use in better ways. That is a clear goal for me.


James Harris

Some recognition to ponder

Have decided it is better to share more of my personal life including some recent struggles as try to get back to having a steady income. So felt a need to talk some recent positives as well including a surprising bit of recognition, as have begun focusing on getting new skill sets for more employment options.

So first a bit of a recap. For some time have struggled with employment which I think is web related where have been trying to understand and absorb a global reality reported by web companies. Relying much on community have been fortunate that my veterans status also means get help for that reason.

Talked much in detail about circumstances around a recent eviction and turns out was able to go to a Salvation Army shelter. Recently a veteran was hired as an employee there focused on helping veterans, who has been introducing to the Georgia Veterans Education Center Transition Resource Center, which is more succinctly called: VECTR

And there have been able to get training.

Also thankfully there is support through the Workforce Innovation and Opportunity Act, commonly called WIOA, which is paying for that training.

Where have been thankful for the opportunity, and recently was the first recipient of a scholarship created by his friends for a very distinguished national person.  That person is General Alfred G. Hansen (retired), who has an incredible history of distinguished service to the United States.

And he came to the center with is wife, and a couple of other folks, former BellSouth president Carl Swearingen and Dr. Ivan Allen, president of Central Georgia Technical College. Wow.

Was an incredible experience for me, and definitely gave much to ponder as met some very distinguished Americans.

Who knows how much they know of my full story, though yeah definitely have been talking my story as entered the center. Had to have been told enough for me to get the scholarship, where focus is very clear. But of course I didn't bring up certain things which really weren't relevant in context.

Focus I think was best on the importance of helping our nation's veteran population.

And VECTR is a great idea for putting a lot of things in one place with very well informed people who can help military members transition well, and help veterans also. The general talked that and am sure is a primary reason both for the support and the efforts to bring interest.

Our nation can do so much and is doing LOTS for veterans, where is also important that people know what is available.

Back to my perspective, feel like regardless of so much other, main thing is: am a person who is working hard to get a full life back where income is required to accomplish that goal. And have done well in my studies so far and am committed to continuing to work hard at learning new skills and continuing on to full employment.

Where yeah, also am trying to figure out how that will work.

Where to me transparency is best. If you're working for folks they need to find out relevant things from you rather than discover them first on the web.

Think should emphasize this blog is my personal one where am completely in control of content here. And there was no coordination with any other entities for this post. However definitely want to be a positive and welcome feedback from others, especially if there are any concerns. Especially from friends of the general, people associated with Central Georgia Technical College, current and former members of the US military. Or any concerned Americans.

Figuring out our new web reality is an ongoing process. Public is VERY public here, and global. And I try to assume as little as possible. And think is important always to try to listen.

So yeah felt should talk some recent positives! Main thing I think is just to keep working to get to better outcomes. And certainly helps when have people helping immensely as long as am working hard myself.


James Harris

When web tells more, what work?

Have been on the web realized for over 20 years, and realization kind of surprised me to some extent. But started over two decades ago in the 90's when wanted to talk some of my amateur math ideas. As the years have gone by, have found what was really a hobby gained a visibility that I didn't for quite a time fully understand which was worth figuring out.

Like over a decade ago found out that a blog talking my math ideas was getting visitors from 125 countries/territories is how Google Analytics put it. Was stunned and then looking for other things to happen that did not. And went on with my life including working a regular job.

Have talked work much on this blog, and noted that to me work is when a person provides a service under some kind of contract to some entity.

Where acting in good faith one should provide necessary information to someone who might want to hire you, but how do you talk POTENTIALLY being known in over 100 countries to a potential employer?

Early on was not a problem as did not realize and had a job when that data was made available to me. Where were SO many questions in my mind regardless. Like was the attention real? Or did most blogs get visits from all over?

Blogs were not that old back then and so much was new. And was lucky for me that I've had more than one blog to focus my interests so could compare across them. Like here, visits were only from around a dozen countries. (It dawns on me that is still actually remarkable.)

Looking elsewhere to where people I knew of, worked with high attention levels did not help me much! And only now with much time, and as the web becomes less novel, feel like am making progress with getting better answers. And yeah, is no more easy for me to have a regular job than for any person with things that pull global attention, even though would like one! Problem is not with me, but with the implications for a business.

Wryly have noted to myself when have a bigger global footprint than an employer. Reality is that comes with a certain amount of influence.

And guess what? Is the kind of information that people get whether you give it or not. Is about being MASSIVELY public and the web tells. (Have had some weird conversations with people on that subject.)

Besides am sure there are ways to properly leverage global attention for work and income, where why should I not maximize that income? But I have to figure it out, which I say, is like working for a law degree while law is continually changing on you, where replace law with web, which is an analogy brought up in post where talked business professionalism.

Also it DOES take effort to maintain that global presence. (How does anyone do it?) There is a LOT of competition for attention in our world, and have been surprised to realize am doing things to maintain, where only more recently have felt the strain at times. Have talked some of where things stand now on this blog. But making the money has been where there is a problem still.

Have had a LOT to absorb, where now with years to ponder am appreciating much. And yeah can be hard to keep the ego in check with certain information, while the money struggles definitely help with that one. Am forced to ponder how can have so much one way, and so little another.

Feel like is helping me be a better person. May as well get something positive out of it.

Thankfully have been able to rely on community support including my status as a military veteran for help but has been challenging. Like when try to bring up the web to a government worker who then proceeds as if that information is not pertinent. Is weird.

Web is so new though. So many procedures in place were about the world that was. Now there are people like myself who are pathfinders in the new world that is, where more and more, web rules.

So am figuring out best I can, where is a struggle, so for now, what work? Remains an open question.

After over two decades on the web have learned that attention reality is what I have, and am better staying meta as needed. Sure would love to get some good explanations for important things from others, but often have found am better off, with what I figure out for myself.

Like, who else do I know as well who knows from objective sources that interest from 100+ countries is just an annual thing, held for over a decade? Um should answer that, no one.

Am stuck with me as my best information source about what it is like to be global in the web age.

Well yeah, with objective data from data providers about attention drawn to content I've put on the web like here. And yeah that is very important to emphasize, as can only know best from what am told from objective sources. Depend on that being accurate information as do people all over the globe now.


James Harris

Accepting my global

Really have been lucky I think with the way things have gone as will talk relentlessly about global attention and details around it as trying to process and figure out. But how often do I just go, wow, am global? Where how is easy enough: web enables.

If you have things that can interest people around the world where those are idea things, you can put them out here and can get a global reality which I've had for over a decade.

But the experienced global reality simply did not fit my preconceived notions and there was no instruction manual. And also there were things I believed were true from looking at other global realities or people I thought were and it was like, huh?

Is nothing like what some folks were saying. And is odd to realize when certain people actually were not global, or were not in the same way. But maybe some organization was, and could promote certain people like they were.

Who do I mean? Who don't I mean, is more pertinent I think. Am simply stunned by the audacity now.

And then there was the problem of money. There IS the problem of money and reality is that at least with certain things I just shut down. Was like, none of these things are making sense.

And you think of just about any country that makes the news about just about anything and I have looked at that country in lists from web metrics showing I have something pulling interest there.

There was so much fake about the 20th century have realized.

As the web makes more sense and we get time with people who are drawing global to just witness what they can or cannot do, am getting back to solid ground.

But like look at them political. People think followers are actually followers when that is just some label some tech guys who themselves lack much demonstrated influence at all put there.

If had been me? I'd have used word--audience.

Your audience on the web? Can make or break you but more than likely most people will simply ignore you--unless you deliver something they want.

So much of the 20th century was fake which stuns me to write. Especially so hated various specious claims of fakery which are NOT true. Yes, NASA astronauts landed on the Moon. Of course there was the Holocaust which is a shame on our species along with so much else.

But about celebrity? Were so much lies.

We will get more of the truth in the 21st century am sure. And how will people handle the truth?

Am still struggling with myself let alone worrying about anyone else. And will figure it out. Will even figure out the money thing am sure.

Where am so wanting authenticity now. So wanting the stories to be real.


James Harris

Challenging facts and my reaction

There is a closer relationship have realized between people who produce content and the portals, like Blogger through which that content flows, because of the potential for information shared. Like am allowed to use Google Analytics here which is a Google decision. Of course Google owns Blogger and Google Analytics but still, is their decision what information they give me. Which is true also for anyone else that relies upon them.

And was around a decade ago found my worldview severely challenged by such information when web analytics for one of my blogs claimed had visitors from 125 countries/territories is how they put it back then, on Google Analytics. Was my math blog.

For curiosity sake, for all of last year was 59 countries, where now is presented that simply. And from those countries, tells me were visits from people from 442 cities, speaking 50 languages.

For further comparison, according to Google Analytics, this blog for all of 2017 had visits from 7 countries: United States, Netherlands, United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, Switzerland, and Saudi Arabia

(If you know you visited here last year and are NOT from one of those countries you simply were not counted by it for some reason.)

Where were from 29 cities speaking 5 languages: English (US), Finnish, c (?), English (Canada), and French

So can notice how the language count can be a bit odd. Where I have no clue with one of them.

Way back was all very surreal to me. Part of me kept looking for answers from others, until realized how much am forced to be a pathfinder.

And that information is hidden unless I share it. Is shared between Google's company and me from Google Analytics. And have some stats from Blogger as well where can compare if I wish.

Even at 59 countries though that is global. And do wonder about that drop from past 125, but these get to be quiet musings for the most part or can chatter about them, like here. And yes, have a good sense now of why such an appeal with my math discovery. While also here which is more political there is primarily an audience that is English speaking and from my own country, the United States.

It is something to process: knowing anything of mine can pull such interest from so many countries.

Where that is not just a year or two, but is a continuing thing, year after year after year.

Back October 2011 posted my ideas for Core Middle Party, which I made up. With seven years from there this year coming up, am a LOT more calm than when wondered where that might go. These days talk as my own personal made-up not official political party. Helps me navigate American and global politics where turns out I need positions, routinely.

In the past there was much shock and anxiety for me, where was fear of the unknown and how to know? Much of my worldview was simply shattered. So much I thought I knew was not right or not applicable, and so much to learn with little guidance. For years muddled along trying to find some solid ground and have noted for a long time simply felt--unsettled.

It is amazing now how little there is from elsewhere. So much information I have from Google and also yes a few other sources like some social media companies, but so very little from other places or others. Have learned though to appreciate the quiet.

Are the numbers real? Yup. Google has no reason to lie to me, though have wondered at times. Others can get a sense of that reality as well from web search. Like for my math blog? Can usually just search: some math

Far as I know that is global.

Why so little about a global reality from others, like the press? Who knows. Ask them.

For years ran away from much of it, which I think was a healthy reaction and simply tried to work as best I can and maintain a living while I figured it out. But that became very difficult, where have talked about why in post about professionalism and showing up, as yeah is HARD to focus with such challenging facts.

With years now can shift from anxiety to reasonable fears where can have a better sense of where caution is prudent, and otherwise where have more freedom to do things. While work is still a puzzle, which pushes me to relying on community resources, where have discussed. Like talked in-depth around a recent eviction, and yeah there is pressure to figure things out.

Am a pathfinder which is comforting. There are answers that have not been available to me because they have not been figured out yet. While also I am global, and known or potentially known all over the world.

The revolution that is the modern web is VAST and am just one piece of that puzzle of what will bring. Where am very much motivated to figure out.


James Harris

Working reality and how information rules

Proper business involves providing a socially acceptable product or service for people who can pay, who are usually called, customers.

That business is so simple should be comforting. And many people can consider ready examples of places where if they have the money, and behave like people who value the efforts of others, they can readily obtain things of value to them in exchange for money.

While making money for most involves finding a business where a person can provide a service in exchange for money, which is typically called, pay. That pay should be a simple exchange of value-for-value got lost on some, who learned bad business practice of pay as little as possible which requires leveraging information against others.

For example consider you do some amount of work for someone, where we will keep it simple and say that what you can do is properly valued at $100 US for this arbitrary amount of work, where someone employing you knows THAT is the value. But that person pays you $60 per unit and simply pockets the other $40 US and that is NOT possible unless you have no clue.

That person requires your trust for you to be so betrayed by knowledge you do not have.

Like, who would hand that money to someone else if knew that was the value of the work done? And is the money you should receive if you knew that proper value of your work.

But how do you know? And turns out is a reason for people to discuss how much they get paid for work, so that a community sense of value can protect against ruthless business people who I say, are simply thieves. And someone like me can casually dismiss a lot of wealth in our modern world as simply thievery on a scale few humans apparently can comprehend.

I find that interesting that human beings seem to be woefully inept at preventing this form of thievery. But surmise it went wild with arrival of modern computing technology which apparently makes it easier for ruthless to hide value of work and plenty of folks find it more difficult to figure out value of their work efforts.

Looks like trillions US were simply stolen. Isn't that fascinating? I think it is.

Pay as little as possible for people who do things you need for your business to function? And I want you to go out of business.

Business should simply pay the value of the work received, returning the favor of that work, which is the decent behavior.

As nations learn better, we are starting to realize the human cost of behavior which is just cheating people which can have devastating consequences. I theorize the system arose after American slavery, and was refined by watching the stunning and devastating impact which is still highly visible over 150 years later.

That governments and even civil rights leaders did not focus appropriately on how much cheating people out of money they actually earned with best efforts can crush them psychologically while enriching thieves puzzles me.

Thankfully the web is changing things rapidly in our times.

YOUR information can rule the wealthy and tame the most ruthless among them, if they pursue lawful business. The more we all know about how much work is actually worth is a benefit for our entire global system. It matters for billions of humans who want best lives possible.

To me contemptible humans do things like deliberately take efforts from others, and even cheer them and push them to work hard, only to repay with far less in value.

The web helps people to know. Your best efforts should be properly rewarded.

The amount to pay? Should be the amount of value YOU bring. Better businesses will try to pay you properly, but is up to ALL of us to keep up with the others.

We can no longer as a world accept that cheating people is acceptable business practice.

It never should have been. But lessons from after American slavery were so enticing to some people apparently from the history already made. And eventually taught history will tell you who am sure. The record is still there and as our world transforms, future generations will learn the story better.


James Harris

Business professionalism and showing up

Years ago in San Francisco found myself concerned while at work, with the realization social media could intrude. Careful to do things on breaks at least a few times found myself drawn to my social media as breaking political news was piling up. Sure was a position I called my day job, since I knew was working to figure out much, but prided myself on my professionalism. And one of the most important basic things as a business professional? Is showing up.

And physically being there at work is of course important, but also mentally being there and completely focused on the tasks at hand is part of business professionalism. My mental focus was wavering at times, and found that distressing though had not to my knowledge negatively impacted my job performance--yet. Where I primarily did data entry at a large insurance company. A position had started as a temp and turned permanent.

My job tasks were many, from handling ordering of office supplies, to some work talking to customers on the phones, but primarily I entered legal invoices into the company database, and also wrote checks for many.

Was a comforting position for me as a solid amount of work, could help me handle my continuing disquiet with web things. And understand better now, as the web has disrupted much.

At THAT time was trying to process learning that my web efforts were routinely garnering attention from over 100 countries.

Like with my own efforts at figuring out math, had found out that my math blog had annual visits from 125, which have repeated often for about a decade now. Yeah, math can draw that kind of attention learned personally.

The web quite simply can leave you--unsettled.

And why wouldn't it? Back then puzzled if the web stats were even real. Like, who were these people all over the world? Why were there no other indicators seemed to me? Where was the HUGE of WHATEVER thought should connect with such a thing as global on that scale? Reflexively looked for what I now realize are celebrity markers based on what I thought I knew primarily from the American entertainment industry.

Was not in an entertainment arena. And now have realized really didn't know much from what television told, and I thought I saw, when would even bother paying attention to celebrity things.

Being a business professional requires that you show up, both mentally and physically for work.

That simple sentence is one I understood then, but what I realize now is, yeah even if you are not sure what exactly it means to be global in our web age that will impact your ability to stay focused in most job arenas. And I wasn't even sure! Maybe one day, it would all click and whoosh!!! Then I would be gone, leveraging my global attention levels appropriately, possibly to have my own business.

Instead found my ability to even manage a day job crumbled. After I FINALLY put up a current picture on the web, and I do not blame that company if that was why I ended up in a general layoff.

Web is so new really. What exactly is the business risk with someone getting attention from around the globe?

For me that is not a question can leave unanswered and is not one where have had a good answer when contemplating employment now. Monetization of the web is a hard problem that is crushing entire industries, or completely remaking them.

Is cool to know your ideas can draw attention that is global.

But then is daunting to realize am a pathfinder. Looking around much am constantly searching for answers as watch others. The global messed me up for a LONG time as expected too much from it. And it still bothers me that with that important thing, figuring out how to make money is not automatically a part of it.

Even the numbers for people still push against my preconceived notions--as how then so few? But do know lots of people are not showing up in how that data is collected. So many countries but registering such a small number of people. Now realize the web stats hint more than tell the full numbers. And now feel is better to ask, how does anyone in this or that country even know who I am, and why would that motivate a visit to one of my blogs? Or to anything I have on the web?

Plenty of times can get a better sense then as can check which parts of blog are drawing interest from where. Is wild, looking over my own writing, and asking myself what brings certain attention from certain countries at a certain time.

Another reason to go self-referential, and pay attention to when I notice some person myself, and learn of interesting stories of others, around the world thanks to the web. Which emphasizes to me, is not the easiest thing really.

This blog is quieter across the board though. Which is also telling.

Never big country numbers as typically around a dozen. That differential helped me realize--is real. If was just some random thing, then would look same across my blogs. Is HUGE reason to have more than one web thing, to compare across them.

While some of my blogs were routinely drawing interest from 50+ countries annually, this one never moved much, even if I tried to promote from the others. Its stats just would not react that I noticed which is yet another web puzzle.

But then again, is just more evidence. People know what they want and go to get what THEY want. I cannot simply direct them this way or that, and myself am same way. Web sites cannot simply direct me in efforts to promote some other web site. I have to have a reason from my own interests to go to one web site from another.

So yeah it does make sense with time and thought. Are real people out there with real needs, and they know why they are doing what they are doing. YOU reading are a real person. My thinking with this post though is like am chatting with someone and talking these things through. Oh and thanks for your interest! Have learned helps me to give that appreciation, as grounds me more. Helps feel real.

Can tell now what draws global more, and even relate to what notice from others. Have tested the potential many ways, while the money struggles continue.

Maybe it is helpful to put out there. Writing a post like this one not only helps me get a better handle, can explain for others and maybe even help others.

The global attention can come ahead of anything else. And that global attention can be disconnected from so much else.

You can struggle massively both to comprehend, process and handle, while being pressured still to work.

And as a business professional, you should show up, which I will do. And my commitment to professionalism will not waver. My focus on work will always be to show up, both physically and mentally. Understanding helps massively, and have a better handle how to maintain my standards still as web things become more...familiar.

Challenges from the web have better helped me appreciate exactly what so much more means.

Welcome the lessons learned, but is much like being forced to get a law degree I tell myself, while needing to get work as a lawyer, while the law is in constant flux. Where replace with having to figure out the web, while needing to somehow get a paying occupation with web impacting much, while the web continues to evolve.

Now I look at struggling INDUSTRIES and am like, oh, ok. You have people with billions US in monetary assets and thousands of people needing to figure it out, and they're still struggling.

Necessity does not create the knowledge. We have to figure it out. And THAT process takes time and immense effort.


James Harris

Power of prediction in politics

Have emphasized the predictive power we get with science, which to me is definitive. And helps so much with weeding out things which may claim to be, but actually are not, science. Which so many experience on the daily with flipping a light switch.

We unlike our ancestors have little excuse to get mystical about light on demand.

Where politics is an arena where prediction can have a massive impact. Like consider how important it could be, for you, to know much about what will happen politically long before it does.

But is it possible? With MY focus on predictive certainty one can debate to what extent political science exists! Like when was the last time you chuckled to yourself as noted prediction of a political scientist--people with the title do exist--as something DID happen as predicted? And you were like, yup that political scientist was dead on!!! (Um, I have never had that happen will note.)

Years ago talked what I call political science though which I found to be very depressing. And started by noting a prior post where hypothesized that wealthy people might prefer loaning the government money with bonds, like US Treasury bonds, versus supporting government with taxes. And full theory then is that in order to keep that happening they would do just about anything to drive up government debt, including if they could, start wars.

Today of course in the United States we have had yet another tax cut, where was less hidden why was happening than in the past with even slight explanation. And am telling you was predictable--though I decried it on my social media, and tried to get ahead by saying would not happen. Well shows the value of that as my own political science ideas would suggest it WOULD happen. And has also been a push for war I think, where was expecting that, as accepted theory there. And just so some people who are wealthy can try to pay less taxes? That is what the theory suggests strongly.

Oh yeah, in case you missed it with that analysis, point of tax cuts wasn't just the extra money wealthy did not have to pay into taxes, but to drive up the US national debt. They would need a steady pool of US Treasury notes so would work to maintain a federal deficit--according to the theory.

So am relying on predictive value. Theory suggests something and I check on what actually happens.

But very depressing predictions indeed. But with what value? Well let's say am not the only one who looks for predictive certainty. Others can check on such things themselves. Science is not about some person's opinion. Like that light bulb? Does not light because some guy says some things he calls science.

Predictive certainty is a powerful tool. Start thinking about how it might help you? And it might save your life, and the lives of others. Especially if you are a young person who might have been sent off to war, to fight so some already wealthy people, could get wealthier.

My belief is that as we value science properly, and value each other properly, we will get to better government. Oh and maybe get to political scientists who talk such things, and get that a ha I suggested earlier. We do need fewer surprises in politics and not more I do think.

We also need to expect more from each other. And I think is best when we expect the best from people who know, or should learn, better.

Power of prediction in politics? May quite simply be, helping enable a better world.


James Harris

Where explanation can help

There are a lot of facts on my side. Even my global attention reality is one of the most pertinent. Yet have found myself challenged in ways that apparently are against objective reason.

Grudgingly have decided maybe race is a factor with people so indoctrinated that certain types cannot do certain things they find it hard to focus on facts. But race is a social construct. Was made up by racists to justify treating certain humans horribly, by considering them a subspecies. So could say it was no more cruel to have a subhuman species as a slave than to have a horse.

Do you ride horses? Concept is the same. Race as a convenient dodge to escape the moral crush, of using a human, as an animal, or another way to put it, as like a beast of burden.

That notion that maybe there were subhumans who were distinguishable from full humans by race flew around the globe as an early example of a hostile meme. Relatedly other hostile memes involved business practices I say were learned after slavery, of using deliberate underpay. And those who used deliberate underpay learned how it also destroyed people in lots of ways psychologically, which are still in use today. While it also made them much more rich, on the wages they stole from their trusting workers.

Deliberate underpay still works to destroy people today.

Easily explained but you have to feel it. And you have to decide that you are no longer part of something that is against humanity.

We are all humans. That some of us can behave inhumanely is sadly not news to most of us am sure.

Such behavior is also against merit. The people who need such beliefs are not good enough on their own. And not surprisingly we have witnessed in the US that those who can behave with the worst motivations can also engage in relentless abuse. But that should not surprise.

And they trained a world best they could to literally worship them with money given as the primary measure of success as THAT they could STEAL in many ways. So they trained people to ignore how the money was made.

And many today think it does not matter how as long as you are rich.

And they themselves can be easy prey for human predators.

We don't have to cheat like that when instead we feel good enough to compete.

While many Americans have finally been taught a system of feel-good first. And not surprisingly drugs can work for them then, with nothing else needed.

With belief in merits of real accomplishment trained out of many, then too many people can find no reason to look to anything else except the feeling and there the drugs can do that for them.

We need to focus on merit, and is better when merit rules, where that to me simply means--finding the things that work best. And letting people do their best with support for those who earnestly try their best, and proper recognition for those who succeed well.

And without silly exceptions based on arbitrary rules. Do not think some person cannot do something that humans can do for arbitrary reasons like color of skin or other arbitrary known measures, because then you must think that person is less than human.

Humans can do much, and constantly do much for each other. And better rule that is cool, is to let human rule, where I like to rhyme, don't hate me. And also not joking, please do not hate me for arbitrary reasons especially not based on stupid rules where we know better.

Real success helps us all as we all depend so much on the success of prior humans with merit, which has given us great tools for success. Like this blog lets me talk to you, with quite advanced technology which required so much to get here. Our species has done much valuable for each of us.

We can learn better as human beings. That is a gift as well our species has.


James Harris

Facing eviction now

Looks to me like this post is complete. Will keep it up as I think there is a value in the information public. At this time do not think there will be any more updates to it.

Update April 3rd: Evicted. Now some place else. Still seems like such a waste. Did my best though. Now is on to next thing. Must figure it out. Am keeping this update calm. Am very upset. Will simply note and force myself to keep it short, and tame.

Update April 2nd: Got a reply from office of Governor Nathan Deal. Says situation is outside his authority, and should continue to work with local folks. Ok. Well at least got a reply. Now into another month and guessing eviction still working way through courts. Good news is, even if tossed out of here, have other places can go. Just wish could figure out. Am more certain web is key. But yeah, yet ANOTHER month's rent, now due.

Update March 23rd: Still in apartment! Not sure exactly why haven't been tossed out yet, but hey not complaining. And still working on things, primarily through state agencies but also trying to get my own things going. Figured should update in case there were folks concerned. Am more optimistic will figure something out now. Feel like talking it out is helping me figure things out and may help others. For me, sharing things on the web seems to work for a process, but should also state, no, not soliciting funds. But information could be great! And I just think story is important to be out there too as to how it can be with an actual situation.

Update March 21st: Nothing worked. Help appreciated! Like information, what can I do now?

Update March 14th: Got served. So now is real. And feel guilty too. Came here with the best of intentions and should have been plenty of time. The veterans programs which helped me were a lifeline and still are. However my situation puzzled me, and I think puzzled lots of government workers. Still was not a complete waste! Figured out much. And of course can easily move on from here. Just really wanted this to succeed. And government spends so much on programs like have helped me, where I think should work harder on making sure gets you to fully back on your feet. Arbitrary timelines just may not be enough for each person.

Contacted Governor Nathan Deal. Can someone in his office make sure he knows so I get through whatever person or person might push such a message to the side? Thanks.

-------------------------------------------

A really patient company has reached its limits and with me behind on the rent, eviction procedures are in place and do not blame them. The place is Creekside Vista in Macon, GA, USA and was a great find for me to be here. Like check the map for businesses within walking distance! Came out of a VA Medical Center in Dublin on a program that temporarily pays your rent! The idea being to give you enough time to get a paying job.

And have explained much in prior posts on this subject. When I got to Macon from Dublin last year in February immediately was in touch with Georgia Vocational Rehab where was lucky to have their help. Got it as a result of the state considering me disabled based on my difficulty in getting a job for so long and a review by a medical board. Not sure on the specifics, but yeah am STILL struggling with getting work with the help.

But time marches on, and yeah exhausted the time limit for the temporary rent help. Am NOW getting more job training work which is better focused from Georgia Vocational Rehab, but with this huge bill to pay for rent! And continuing bills of other kinds.

Sounds like a challenge to me, which is how am phrasing. With these kinds of situations the main thing is focus and attitude, with a certainty there is a resolution. Will figure it out.

Feel like something really weird is going on. But basic is: must have an income. So that part is easy enough. Question is--why has been so difficult to get to an income, even with professional help?

Why share here? Well talked situation before, but also have a lot from programs for veterans. And am willing to accept much fault for things not going better, but like to think am a smart guy. Do wonder what else I should have done.

My feeling is yeah, my web presence can make it harder, but should not be impossible, and there may be part of it. Web is so new, and am trying to explain to folks especially on job search focus, but still how hard should it be to explain that one?

And for veterans yeah, can be this massive thing when have gone through the programs, I guess. Who knows if others struggle with these same programs like I have, but would NOT be surprised. Like I have a degree in physics, my own open source software program and know how to code, and I like to write with a HUGE web presence. And I'm looking at a WALL which defies explanation.

Then again that huge web presence thing there. Before web? Had no problems getting a job. But still sure could make it harder but would think, not impossible. And should open other opportunities while closing others.

That is the rational thing do tell myself. So far struggling to have reality meet what I believe should be true.

Is weird. Web is new, yes. But new should actually help! Web enables so much more.

So I work at explaining. Maybe sharing my story can help others, and also might help me! What is going on here? Working to figure out can help me and others.

Is messed up though, and having exhausted family support means am looking at first time to potentially being forced onto the streets. That to me is suspicious. There is still possibly a shelter option here in Macon. Would prefer not, but may find out how deep this thing is, if find that option is actually closed.

Not interested in finding that one out. So will shift to working harder at problem solving. Maybe is time to test more.

Getting answers though will happen. That is just a matter of time as well.


James Harris

Talking mental health

There is a vast amount of knowledge humanity has gained where thankfully our species is better with keeping up with it, in our times. Like in the past so much was transferred by word of mouth, as that's what they had. Then could write some things down. And so on, until computers and modern systems which can keep up with all of it, thoroughly indexed and searchable.

Still certain people need vast amounts of training in that knowledge, and practice using it, and in the medical field that has greatly helped the lives of many.

Which is true for mental health as well where well-trained medical people are gaining more and more knowledge, and regardless, without that knowledge, what can you do? Like with myself, thankfully realized years ago and have often relied on mental health people, and still need that help.

So what's with stigma? Sociologists and other social scientists actually study such things. What I know is that the mind is a mystery humanity has long sought to crack am sure, with MOST progress with basics in our times.

Like there was a time there were those who thought the seat of consciousness was in the heart. And the head was thought to be just the most important part of an air conditioning and heating system. Yeah was way weird. Which I should add I think was more of a European thing. (Am not so much into linking to discussion of debunked theories, so if doubt me can go research yourself.)

But how could they know?

So lots of theories where plenty were wacky, to us today. Back then you had humans struggling to understand something as basic as their own perception of self and each other. And also completely lost when things went way wrong. Sure they had some things here and there that seemed to help sometimes, but nothing like the diagnostic capability and treatment options of medical staff in our times.

Today well-trained medical practitioners still struggle with much, so what chance do those without even that training have? If still ponder, consider with some wound. Do you really want to wing it? Or would you prefer be dressed and treated by the best capable? Some people can dress their own physical wounds, so can be a ready-reference. But even for them, there are limits to what could possibly handle.

And yes limits for the best medical practitioners but they can handle so much more.

Humanity has made much progress and often appropriate people can completely help with certain disorders.

Like did you know they have very effective treatments now for phobias? Like that fear of flying if you have it? Get that worked on. Want to say fixed but apparently folks don't like that word used when it comes to mental health in my experience.

We still have so far to go with understanding all health, including that of the mind. Best when get the best knowledge available from people well-trained.

Oh, and yeah, of course feel free when necessary, to get a second opinion, also from a well-trained medical person. Best ones expect it really. Or should.

That is a reminder for myself as well, as have hesitated at times. But my health is important enough to do all that I can do, especially when is also expected.


James Harris

When civilization advances

My ability to take for granted advancing human civilization ended with my own major discoveries. And one of my most important was back December 1999, when introduced a new mathematical discipline, which I did not fully realize at the time.

Even when started making major finds, where a very challenging one was revealed to the world in 2004 when a paper had written was published by an at first brave math journal, which then disintegrated a little while after. Why? I had shown that existing accepted mathematical rules allow fake math results. Of course I expected the rules to be changed!

They were not and that was about fourteen years ago now. So now you know, if you believe me, or knew if know of that story that mathematicians around the globe have not only deliberately ignored the next great advance in mathematics, they have also hidden a problem that lets them fake success.

But advancing of human civilization is simply not easy. And reality of intense battles in the battles over ideas is actually not terribly surprising. With my story of course there is a racial component where I like the latest scientific results that race is a social construct. We know it was convenient to a time when slaves were a problem for Americans who claimed to love liberty. Our very Constitution talks about men being born equal with a right to pursuit of happiness, where in our times it is supposed to be people in general, without the gender bias.

Deciding there was such a thing as race where certain races were inferior and simply sub-human so human rules did not apply was a convenient dodge, which has been debunked in our times.

Yet inequalities remain where I have traced out much of that system.

Much of it was created simply by deliberate underpay am now certain. Like when slavery finally ended the former slaves were forced to go work for the people who had enslaved them, who maybe not surprisingly didn't pay them properly. But I now surmise they learned from watching what happened. They also gained control, and also helped them get more rich by simply taking money that had been earned by workers instead of giving it to them.

Soon American business concepts included deliberate underpay, which swept the globe. Businesses learned to leverage information against workers as if were decent business practice to pay them what you could get away with, rather than focusing always on proper pay.

It not only is stealing and helps business people who do it get wealthy at the expense of workers, but it also crushes the human spirit, and can help contain entire human populations. Also somehow the baggage can last. Today if there were any group that should be furious if paid less than they should be? It should be American Black folks, like myself.

I am, if that happens. Though have allowed some after had my major discoveries, just to study it. Have seen weirdly how with others? There is a learned resignation which I believe was learned over 150 years ago.

And in other countries, workers get that new, with deliberate underpay which in essence lets them have a form of part-time slavery which profits quite a few companies including American ones. The great news is that as the web helps people learn how much they should make for their efforts, pay is rising, around the globe.

Yet that was just one thing. And my arrival with a new great advance which helps humanity learn more powerful things upset more than just defunct notions around a social construct concept. My story pushed against a system which also have found included lots of people besides those caught by racial excuse, including women.

With that system deliberate underpay was most vicious for certain groups who could be so targeted based on forces which had brutal strength at a macro level, and have posted on as magnified bias, where consider as a group effect.

So along with Black folks, women could be targeted for deliberate underpay, but also crushed out of success with a certain peculiarity. Even being pushed out of areas where had been ok early, like with computer science, and the film industry in non-acting positions. While there were also limits in any area where intellectual achievement could push against the status quo including, yes, mathematics.

So yeah THAT suppression system has been working against me. So I study it.

Now over 18 years since my major discovery with major discoveries already helping our planet, am gratified to be able to also get answers in other areas. Sure found something wonderful for mathematics, but also was able to give answers that can help people in other areas.

Advancing of human civilization is a wonder. And we know these stories are just part of the grand story which is that of the human species.

May we ever keep discovering. May we ever keep learning.


James Harris

Pondering concept of magnified bias

Was quite a few years ago decided had handled subject of race here on this blog, as to concerns about American racism, and point of it was to be done with subject. Yet also have realized as looked around our globe and in my own country was clear others felt was a continuing concern, and also wondered how well I had handled it for myself, to establish a stable foundation.

Then also found myself stunned like others as learned of relentless predations upon a lot of people, with the news focused much on sexual predation of women in the entertainment industry. While there has also been a lot about sexual predation of males there and in the fashion industry. And even more tragically, children across industries regardless of gender though back to entertainment industry, much was focused on male children as maybe easier targets. See documentary An Open Secret for my primary reference on that one.

Reality has been abuse without regard for gender, including then of course transgender people as well. Just feel like should mention directly.

Yet feel like we DO have a society which condemns assaults against its members, and as the news is poring out, there is effort made to address. But how could it be this bad? And how does relate also to previously brought up concerns with subject of race?

And found myself thinking about early humans who traveled in small groups.

Today we can often find ourselves thankfully in relatively small groups of friends or family, or maybe even co-workers. Where is not like that past when you survived together or more likely died if were alone. And to me? That's powerful training built into us, where modern reality is less so, life and death with your cohorts.

Often when group decisions are made, would find myself at times realizing certain things would be off limits as someone in the group had a tendency to maybe not like something.

But why so powerful? Well imagine in the distant past, and as the group of humans struggling to survive is in an area, one member raises an alarm...suddenly all are tense. They narrowly escape some danger I might only imagine. Group survives till next thing.

Even slight biases maybe not even consciously understood by a SINGLE member of a group of humans might I think be magnified by the group itself. So a group of people who separately are very egalitarian? Very open minded? And very much against any number of social biases? Together may be something different.

How does that relate to all the primary things mentioned? And am not a psychologist or any type of social scientist, but I talk things to understand. But groups of humans might tolerate things that no individual in the group would accept!

Like a group of guys who find they tend to only like action movies with male leads. Who separately may watch regardless of gender. Or a group of women who find they only prefer certain races, where race is a social construct by the way, when you look at their choices as a group, versus what they say or even do individually.

Or people who individually are against sexual assault, but when they get together and talk, you hear them trend to a different attitude where if questioned, they'd insist was joking, and not serious. Where also they can refuse to believe facts, as a group, even when overwhelmingly show abuse occurred. But if talk to individuals? Is believed.

Now consider millions of such groups just in one nation like the US. And magnify biases across these groups maybe even reinforcing each other, as these groups interact.

Have you ever had a conversation that just seemed ok with your friends? Which part of you thought was messed up? Have had those conversations myself. Now I do wonder what I was part of, when had no clue.

Is a theory. Figured was worth putting out here on the web. And again, am not a social scientist. Am a concerned human, looking for useful answers. So what is the answer?

Check the bias if you detect it. Just ask, questions. With real friends? Could simply be enlightening.


James Harris

Assessing current situation

Years ago was in San Francisco, but ended up as part of a group layoff back November 2010, which surprised me some. Had a great separation package, but also was suspicious that web activity had a role to play, as had finally put up pictures, which I still use now, across social media.

Regardless had evidence from web analytics that web things of mine were pulling global interest, which was puzzling. Really was just the web analytics and wondered why wasn't other evidence, and especially, why money didn't seem to be a significant part of that picture.

Working at solving the puzzle kept running into the pragmatic reality of running low on funds, and eventually had to leave San Francisco, and moved in with my Mom, in a volatile situation as her husband has a history of abuse. Yes, then was kind of better with me there to give him some fear, and yes we, the family, have wanted her to leave him for decades. Talked that situation enough in this post so will continue.

My global web reality was shifting during this time but not going away. Across several categories where THIS blog is not really that global according to web stats. But two others: Some Math and Beyond Mundane are.

Also my open source project I noted in 2014 had a history of downloads from over 150 countries. Where also notably is a very quiet area for me. That is without any complaints or thanks. Main thing for me has been the steady downloads which averaged a bit over 9 per day.

Web quiet has been a problem. But also is welcome, but also is a mystery. And is now a problem, as how do you make money then? If could work a regular job, then ok. But now apparently does interfere with that as well. I guess.

Picking up from where prior posts left off, ended up in Macon, GA, USA which should have worked out. One reason was public transportation, which was important here in Georgia as too many areas require you to have a car to get around. That worked out well.

Also working with Georgia Vocational Rehab should have worked as planned also. Have noted my counselor who has left seemed intent on me working for the state. I have no interest in working for the state, but my web activity am sure precludes it. The placement at Helms Career Center should have worked as well. Have not elaborated, but have never had to simply walk away from a job as was necessary there. And with a lecture to staff about appreciating the importance of their jobs to community. The Macon area definitely needs that place working.

Is weird. Good plans have consistently failed. Help that should have worked has just kind of supported, but not as much as possible? Have noted my own recognition of likely collapse of coping mechanisms from childhood abuse, but that should have been picked up by therapists. Regardless can emphasize now. Still also so much quiet, which have noted, and when I note here?

That phone rings again, usually.

Will continue to assess the situation. The global reality is stable and does not depend on money things, at all. Which means am handling certain things on a global scale, while still struggling local with figuring out how am to make money. While global focused money-making efforts have all failed. Which am also studying and did not discuss here as out of scope.

Key thing? Is the quiet. How is it possible to have so much global for so long with so much quiet around it?

Assessment: current situation weird, with money a critical area, must solve. Endeavor to puzzle out lack of proper responses in all relevant areas.


James Harris

Feeling more healed but consequences

There is a thing had heard of where adults who have experienced childhood abuse can suddenly start having serious problems after years of doing ok. Or apparently doing ok, and having struggled through several bouts of that happening, feel like explains much.

But have had therapists since I was 12 years old, and routinely actively sought. The abuse came up as I brought it up, but especially as got older felt like was never addressed really. My one attempt at simply picking a sex abuse therapist went weirdly wrong. Actually decided to quit with them from that point until pressured back into therapy by my family recently, who were watching me spend day after day in a room mostly on the web.

And I felt safe. Like had never really felt before. Safe in that room and I didn't understand till recently.

Where had been very functional despite so much before. Like went off to college and had a serious drinking problem but got my degree in 4 years. Enlisted in the US Army after and did ok. Didn't do great, and still had a drinking problem, but was worst of it, though struggled with relationships usually not having any. Thankfully left the military after 5 years active duty with an honorable discharge.

And you DO get tired of the idea of this known problem you do not know how to handle, do not know why is still there, and try and try to get help. And I've kept finding myself spending lots of times in a room, on the web, feeling safe.

Got on VA healthcare and again, with opportunity to have mental health help, no focus was on as an adult survivor who maybe had a collapse of coping mechanisms though they ask the questions. You do the intake and the questions are there and I'd answer honestly, then feel like treatment was winging it, where usually had to PUSH for mental health. Then have a puzzled provider struggling to figure out what was wrong with me, where felt like was doing my best to explain.

Yet do feel better now. The recent stories in the news helped. Feeling like was part of it all in my own way like just with posting about, or linking to stories, helped IMMENSELY. And didn't feel just so lost like nothing made sense. Still there are consequences. So much time in a room to feel safe is not making money. While tried desperately to figure out a way on the web with little success.

But web things have talked probably made it impossible anyway. I DO get recognized. And you can even see with post I wrote talking about heading towards homelessness that there are consequences possible when I can just talk things on one of my blogs.

Businesses take a risk with someone like me just on that ability and propensity alone.

Part of me feels like if understood better could have figured out the money side, but also web is in flux. And ways to make money are still evolving. Part of my situation is almost like an entertainer needing an agent, but am NOT an entertainer.

Maybe should just be happy with the healing and really am. Yes, messing up with an apartment where placed as a struggling vet is not something I like. But have done my best.

Should admit at this point? NONE of the government agencies are even calling me any more. When they were supposed to, like return on things or said would. Not sure is from fear after my posting or simply exasperation. Is worth noting here though.

Update February 3rd: That has changed at least. Posting here does seem to help.

But am healthy and happier and feel like have accomplished things. Can figure out money, eventually. And get another place even if end up homeless for a bit. Thinking now have useful answers, finally.

Web helped me get in this mess, and eventually figure will help me out. But I so DO love the web.

Maybe just ask of the web, too much.

Primary thing is to build on positives. So do feel good there, and will work on the rest.


James Harris

Pondering personal truths

Have learned much by so many people talking out personal truths in our times. And is such a great thing where maybe will appreciate more in time. And have talked out my own things.

But learned to share at a young age, so told my therapist when was 12 about a sexual event with two teenage sisters who were baby-sitting. The Down's girls, as give last names. One watched while other tried to have sex with me on top. They were probably in early teens, maybe 13 or 14. Remember that vividly though age 5, and as an adult had a bizarre therapy session on the subject. When decided I maybe needed a sex therapist as had talked to so many other type therapists through the years where wondered what good it was.

So the one therapist I got who supposedly specialized in people who were sexually abused argued with me about how well a 5 year old could complete a sexual act, going on and on about not having equipment that was large enough. Like an idiot I kept with that therapist until I quit a job, so the insurance would run out, and could gracefully exit.

Learned the power of personal truths also with my mother and her abusive husband. Found out in shock when was 17 years old and she had a bruised eye claiming she'd hit a door. I tried to do my part with confrontations and calling the police. My crying mother proclaimed her love for him and refused to prosecute. I went on to college at Vanderbilt University on a full-tuition scholarship, and got my degree in physics in 4 years.

But only talked the situation in my hometown area recently, when after a drunken night when I don't remember but suspect my also drunk stepfather decided to pick a fight, he took off. When walking about with my mother and people would ask where he was, I'd simply tell them. Talk about how he was abusive and they were so shocked. My Mom protested slightly but got used to it. When I went into homeless rehab for vets, and he returned, things changed.

Now my mother has stopped drinking though I do not credit my efforts there. But still is good. And my stepfather has she claims drastically reduced his own. Maybe my calm insistence he'd eventually end up in Georgia state prison, as I'd make it my life's mission to make sure he got prosecuted if necessary, had some impact.

Why do such things so often remain behind closed doors? When people who air their personal truths can gain such a strength from it? Am not sure. And do we really?

Or in airing the truth do you find that keeping a lie even if by implication that all is well was simply too tiring.

The sexually charged environment in which I grew up was so counter to the fundamentalist Christian religion in which was indoctrinated. And yes, the Down's girls were members of that too, and in thinking back suspect they were victims of abuse themselves. So I tell myself. Probably.

My own curiosity with sex charged at such a young age would be a constant source of personal torment with a religion that preached one thing, where I knew so many who clearly operated in another way. And was SO curious. So much just wanted to know then. And feared myself growing up to be a monster myself. Would I end up a predator too? Wondering.

Till found myself even in reacting against my religion when escaped to college still more puritanical in my behavior, if not my attitudes of what I told myself should be possible. Told myself I wanted to do more, though just didn't. (Drank a lot but that was about it.)

Would take getting to the US Army when enlisted after graduating from college to gain a little more freedom. And thankfully when went into my 40's simply found certain desires lessened enough that I no longer cared. And simple celibacy became a convenience if not a moral or religious imperative.

So many people get messed up over sex, until for some like me, is just so much simpler when it just drifts away.

Personal truths are changing our world. People can talk these things out. And others can decide to read or not, or otherwise consider or not.

Your life is defined by such things whether you tell them or not, firmly believe. Know so much in mine continues to be.

Will admit I like that easier feeling obtained with these ones shared.


James Harris

Accepting the real behind the surreal

My story have concluded, is way weird. Back in 2008 do remember when the financial crisis hit, and was not touched. Was working at a large insurance company primarily doing data entry, and there were not cutbacks for us at that time. But could have been considered underemployed as with a degree in physics and ability to code, could conceivably have worked for much more.

Was in San Francisco having arrived the summer of 2005 in order to get work, and had happened quickly through a temp agency. And also most of my life have considered becoming a professional writer. The idea of the road less traveled has appealed to me often. Figured eventually might work for some tech company as a software developer. But was doing ok anyway, and enjoying the city.

Yet that blase attitude would change when a layoff did hit where was working, but still was not too worried, as was given a generous package, and started pondering what maybe should do with web things, which is where we get to surreal.

Was in San Francisco when web analytics arrived to my blogs, like here, when Google Analytics was opened up and was there around 2007 or 2008 found stats that stunned me. One of my blogs focusing on math had visits, according to Google Analytics from 125 countries. Another had visits from around 60, while this one was chugging along at only about 12, primarily English speaking.

For perspective, for ALL of 2017, checking for this post, Google Analytics tells me this blog had visits from 7 countries: US, Netherlands, Australia, UK, Canada, Switzerland and Saudi Arabia

Now then, for same period my math blog Some Math had visits from 59 countries. And my kind of general interest blog Beyond Mundane had visits from 68 countries. Started a new blog to focus on making money so decided to call Seriously Commercial for inspirational purposes with visits from only 22 countries for all of last year.

Back in San Francisco when FIRST was looking at such numbers they just seemed surreal.

It IS weird. How do you process such information? Web arrived and new possibles arrived with it.

Am realizing am living in one of those possibles without much guidance.

There was no indication beyond Google Analytics data. And none of the indicators that I had always thought would be there as I quietly learned was a global presence. And there was just these numbers.

So yeah when I got laid off seemed like an opportunity to figure it out and make the money I knew I SHOULD be able to make, which is still a work in progress. However, maybe understand it better?

Can you imagine? You discover that at least according to Google that you have people from all over the world paying attention to things you write on blogs? And that's it? And you're like, but where's the money? Where's the celebrity? Where's ANYTHING ELSE besides these numbers?

At one point after years of puzzling...no point in elaborating. Let's just say I tried to check things just about every way imaginable. And still am working at it. Could have given more global but just focused here on blogs.

The money is the hard problem and is an important one!!! Of course. But the mental stress is worth mentioning.

Thank God wanted to be a writer most of my life. Writers often struggle making money. And guess what I found out?

The one indicator that finally pushed me to accept was real was when that ease of getting a job went away. And guess, even if I do not understand, businesses understand that having an employee with a global base of interest? Well that's the kind of business risk apparently most are not willing to take.

Can you blame them? More I ponder, less I do.

That draw though is fascinating. And has NOT been commercial. The range fascinates me so much will admit would tell myself--quit giving out country counts.

But that is so much the data but also those are people out there. All over the world. And even if not some commercial number that human interest has been rewarding should make sure to have in here as well.

So really just have one more piece of the human story, trying to find a comfortable place in the digital age.


James Harris

Wage, work and web

Our species has the first major technological advance in its history, as computers have fully arrived in many ways, which has lead to the greatest economic inequity in its history. Where I like simple explanation and that is easy to find.

For example, consider a worker today at a company who, with the aid of computers or things related to computers including the web, can do the work that was done by 4 or more people in the past. So you have a business which requires a worker for a task, and that worker brings value to that company, which is in excess of what any one person could do in the past and can be 4x but their pay?

Is possible that worker is making roughly the same as any one of those 4 workers in the past.

That money not paid in return for that value received to the person who gave it flows upwards to business owners, including stockholders when there are any.

Society in our times rather than focus on the value an individual brings to a business, has let businesses pay people based on a perceived value to their work, which is based on historical trends, now woefully out of date.

Computer revolution swept through rapidly.

The web has begun to help. As people share salary information that can push wages closer to the value you ACTUALLY bring to a company, but still, how do you know?

How does anyone know?

And turns out that the business does know.

The problem became so harsh and destabilizing that crippled economies were beginning to have difficulty functioning, as people are, thanks to computers, giving vastly more value than they are receiving in return.

Some communities are so destroyed, drug abuse and other dysfunctional behaviors are taking over for people who cannot understand why working hard is no longer enough in the US. Which is a troubling conclusion for me. And do NOT condone drug abuse but am not against looking for simple explanation there for explosions in rates of it in the US either.

While business owners have pushed the idea that they are simply smarter and better than other Americans. And some stoop to fighting to maintain low wages, knowing their employees barely survive and often require public assistance, as politicians begin to figure it out, and try to push for higher wages including by raising the minimum wage.

Good news is that in time balance will arrive as web facilitates flows of information, like here. As Americans especially escape the programming that we are vastly overpaid, and begin to focus on figuring out how much your work effort is ACTUALLY worth.

Especially if you realize--that business? Is likely lying to you about how much more you bring, when with computers you can do the work that 4 or more people were required to do in the past.

Do the math on what you SHOULD be making then.


James Harris