Update Oct. 6th: Still have web, thank God. Things are still in progress though. But working on my mental health with greatest focus? Priceless.
Update 11:29 EST: Cox Cable gave me till October 5th to pay full balance, without service interruption. Good people there.
Well things were looking up in ways, but then again, was still troubled with how things were working out. Talked here about how using programs supposed to help veterans lead to me being evicted for the first time in my life.
In a shelter for MONTHS the plan ended up being me getting more training, even though I have a degree in physics from Vanderbilt University and currently have an open source software program used around the world, and can do technical support in IT.
Well I rolled with it, as what could I do? Stay in a shelter? And the FIRST suggestion was training for networks, and then that fell through and was enrolled in a course for heating and air. Ok. What could I do? (Wondered to myself, bait and switch?)
I rolled with it, and decided to make the best of it. With stable income figured could get back to my goals eventually as realized really like to write. And was given a car and ended up all over television and it did seem like destiny then.
Well despite me doing my best the heating and air position I got, didn't last. Ended up fired in less than two months, which wasn't fun either. However had made enough money to give me some time to plan, I thought.
Consistently though, supposed help guides me away from what I want to do. And as more recently pondered 100 degree Fahrenheit heat while was in air conditioning comfort, was thinking: I could be OUT there in that, and why? My most financially valuable skill sets and interests are in different areas. Am listening to the wrong people? Think so.
(Should note a different perspective on people who routinely work in VERY hot or otherwise distressed conditions maintaining or repairing heating and air conditioning equipment! Will never take them for granted again.)
And, realized was not a minor thing. Turned 50 this year and have people supposedly trying to help me, trying to get me STARTED in a career where most people are half my age, where often would be in broiling heat?
Maybe not really my friends, eh? And went back to them as needed a bit of help, and got NOTHING. Which did surprise me.
The car? Well, I can't pay for gas now. And USAA is going to cancel my insurance. And am typing fast as Cox Cable gave me a disconnect notice earlier. (Now have more time as noted above.)
But am upbeat. Need to take direction of my own life and forget job help for veterans. Still need the other help though. Thankfully Macon Housing Authority has me in a place where have no rent--so thank God, no eviction threat THIS time. And am getting mental health services through Bibb County and VA, which is a godsend. Yeah mentally am feeling better than have in a LONG time.
So all is worth it. Finally got help that has helped IMMENSELY there at least.
But having people NOT listen to me and guide me into very life changing directions which could literally be like Hell on Earth? Am very sensibly done with that. And is sad. Is not really helpful when people are not listening to you.
Have tons of skills and should have lots of options with guidance, but people have to listen, and actually help. Well am old enough to not cry over the past and to appreciate lessons learned.
Will get past these latest struggles, and get to better control over my life.
James Harris
Saturday, September 21, 2019
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Facing the legacy of American slavery
Have discussed impact of American slavery more than once on this blog. Like was stunning to me to conclude that Black folks were trained to take unequal pay, with lessons learned with the aftermath of slavery over 150 years ago. Yet still today, so many will accept far less money than they should in pay, so the people cheating them, can simply pocket it.
Deciding you will not be held by things from a tragic past is a great thing I believe for Black people in the US. But how do you know?
Like grew up in Georgia, USA, with parents who thought of themselves as devout Christians, and received beatings with a leather belt, including one so intense from my father that my legs were bleeding. I was six years old. Will never forget. And I know I know what torture feels like, from experience.
Years ago was shocked when came across the information that an adult who has never been beaten may die when first whipped. The shock of the whip can kill them. So they need to be prepared for it. And works best when beaten from a young age. And I knew why, finally.
My parents were preparing me for whips that were silenced over 150 years ago, and yet would probably not accept such an explanation. Repeatedly have heard Black people in the South bragging about beating their children, infuriated at attempts to stop them.
We are born equal, as human beings. But tragic mechanisms can be propagated endlessly until faced.
I imagine that slave families preferred to beat their children ahead of the slaveowners, who made sure it was done, to limit losses when whipping adults.
Today all people in the US need to demand proper pay for their work. Is that simple. And we need also to demand safe spaces. Just some simple things to actually move this country beyond past horrors.
So yes, I talk about torture as I do as have experienced it--as a child. I pray that no longer is routine for any American children, but for now? We are not there yet.
Dare I admit that a part of me struggles with the weakness I feel I witness in others though? That yeah, being beaten so brutally made me different. And yeah I understand torture, and power. Am scared of myself too at times, but feel better admitting it here. I know how to inflict pain.
How does one gain the power of such knowledge--safely? I wonder.
But I can choose to be someone I can keep liking. Can choose to be a friend to my species. Can choose to try to be a better human being.
Maybe as a kid? You really just need to take martial arts classes, if need to go in a certain direction. Yeah, I like that answer. Am certain getting beaten viciously is not the way.
We can do better as human beings in training our children am sure. We can do better in finding best ways.
James Harris
Deciding you will not be held by things from a tragic past is a great thing I believe for Black people in the US. But how do you know?
Like grew up in Georgia, USA, with parents who thought of themselves as devout Christians, and received beatings with a leather belt, including one so intense from my father that my legs were bleeding. I was six years old. Will never forget. And I know I know what torture feels like, from experience.
Years ago was shocked when came across the information that an adult who has never been beaten may die when first whipped. The shock of the whip can kill them. So they need to be prepared for it. And works best when beaten from a young age. And I knew why, finally.
My parents were preparing me for whips that were silenced over 150 years ago, and yet would probably not accept such an explanation. Repeatedly have heard Black people in the South bragging about beating their children, infuriated at attempts to stop them.
We are born equal, as human beings. But tragic mechanisms can be propagated endlessly until faced.
I imagine that slave families preferred to beat their children ahead of the slaveowners, who made sure it was done, to limit losses when whipping adults.
Today all people in the US need to demand proper pay for their work. Is that simple. And we need also to demand safe spaces. Just some simple things to actually move this country beyond past horrors.
So yes, I talk about torture as I do as have experienced it--as a child. I pray that no longer is routine for any American children, but for now? We are not there yet.
Dare I admit that a part of me struggles with the weakness I feel I witness in others though? That yeah, being beaten so brutally made me different. And yeah I understand torture, and power. Am scared of myself too at times, but feel better admitting it here. I know how to inflict pain.
How does one gain the power of such knowledge--safely? I wonder.
But I can choose to be someone I can keep liking. Can choose to be a friend to my species. Can choose to try to be a better human being.
Maybe as a kid? You really just need to take martial arts classes, if need to go in a certain direction. Yeah, I like that answer. Am certain getting beaten viciously is not the way.
We can do better as human beings in training our children am sure. We can do better in finding best ways.
James Harris
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Truth, belief and facts considered
Having people believe you can seem so basic, until it becomes hard. And for years now did not realize the devastating impact on me until finally had someone at the VA who simply did not dismiss or ignore facts. And have been open about seeking out mental health. It is a great thing. And appreciate that my status as a veteran means can get it, but what good if you are not believed?
In my case of course now it seems obvious that finding out have things that pull attention from 100+ countries might have an impact, including anxiety. Where also, yeah, if you are talking to a person who pulls that kind of attention that can impact you as well.
And yeah, have thought about wanting some of these VA folks to go before US Congress and testify about how they could ignore CHECKABLE facts from veterans, like myself, and then proceed as if those were irrelevant, even when pushed.
Like with me, web was dismissed--over and over and over again, until now. And feel like maybe am talking more freely because finally got a therapist who was accepting rather than dismissive and rejecting. And make no mistake, when am talking about prior people with VA dismissing the web they were not nice about it really. I'd get the feeling like they thought I was an idiot or was just lazy or lived in a fantasy world. And what could I do?
And yeah, to the US Congress I think part of reforming the VA is checking with veterans as to whether or not FACTS with regard to them are believed or DISMISSED by VA providers. From my talks with other veterans I think it is a huge and outrageous problem, where if a VA person doesn't feel comfortable or interested with a FACT in YOUR case then can just bizarrely proceed--as if does not exist.
You have to believe in people. How can you help someone if you refuse to show you believe in them in important ways? In my experience, you cannot. And found was not helped, as my problems continued.
Seems simple to me: how about a simple question for veterans like myself as to whether feel like checkable facts have been carefully noted and actually considered when elevated as important.
Like in my case is easy enough to web search. Search on: Class Viewer.
There is a website on SourceForge which should come up on any search engine. Comes up on all the ones I try. And you can click on, go to download stats, and shift to annual, like look at 2018.
Just did that for THIS post and there were downloads from 105 countries last year. Last one listed is Qatar.
IF you had something pulling attention from over 100 countries annually, and had a sense that getting that RIGHT was important how would you feel if some VA staffer supposedly helping you not only DISMISSED but refused to even check?
I've been infuriated. And make no mistake, maybe some of them will end up in front of the US Congress trying to explain if I can make it happen. I think would be great for the VA, great for veterans to get taken seriously--ALWAYS, and great for our country.
And hey, now kudos to the VA as have someone now helping me who DOES take me seriously, so can end on a positive. Right now desperately need that help. But when I hear about veterans who...just too many sad stories and am not surprised. I wonder who in the VA was not really listening with them.
James Harris
In my case of course now it seems obvious that finding out have things that pull attention from 100+ countries might have an impact, including anxiety. Where also, yeah, if you are talking to a person who pulls that kind of attention that can impact you as well.
And yeah, have thought about wanting some of these VA folks to go before US Congress and testify about how they could ignore CHECKABLE facts from veterans, like myself, and then proceed as if those were irrelevant, even when pushed.
Like with me, web was dismissed--over and over and over again, until now. And feel like maybe am talking more freely because finally got a therapist who was accepting rather than dismissive and rejecting. And make no mistake, when am talking about prior people with VA dismissing the web they were not nice about it really. I'd get the feeling like they thought I was an idiot or was just lazy or lived in a fantasy world. And what could I do?
And yeah, to the US Congress I think part of reforming the VA is checking with veterans as to whether or not FACTS with regard to them are believed or DISMISSED by VA providers. From my talks with other veterans I think it is a huge and outrageous problem, where if a VA person doesn't feel comfortable or interested with a FACT in YOUR case then can just bizarrely proceed--as if does not exist.
You have to believe in people. How can you help someone if you refuse to show you believe in them in important ways? In my experience, you cannot. And found was not helped, as my problems continued.
Seems simple to me: how about a simple question for veterans like myself as to whether feel like checkable facts have been carefully noted and actually considered when elevated as important.
Like in my case is easy enough to web search. Search on: Class Viewer.
There is a website on SourceForge which should come up on any search engine. Comes up on all the ones I try. And you can click on, go to download stats, and shift to annual, like look at 2018.
Just did that for THIS post and there were downloads from 105 countries last year. Last one listed is Qatar.
IF you had something pulling attention from over 100 countries annually, and had a sense that getting that RIGHT was important how would you feel if some VA staffer supposedly helping you not only DISMISSED but refused to even check?
I've been infuriated. And make no mistake, maybe some of them will end up in front of the US Congress trying to explain if I can make it happen. I think would be great for the VA, great for veterans to get taken seriously--ALWAYS, and great for our country.
And hey, now kudos to the VA as have someone now helping me who DOES take me seriously, so can end on a positive. Right now desperately need that help. But when I hear about veterans who...just too many sad stories and am not surprised. I wonder who in the VA was not really listening with them.
James Harris
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