Updating a bit

Feel like should update on my story as have already shared much of recent struggles on this blog. And suddenly things were very much more positive for me, as my housing situation is solid and can social distance.

The pandemic really brought what is really important into focus, and I am thankful that focusing on my mental health was the best decision where was critical receiving needed community support! Bibb County has been a lifesaver for me. Where have explained much in prior posts.

Am still trying to process 2020 as is coming to an end, and still am puzzled at the disastrous response of US federal government to a known threat--pandemics were definitely predicted. There were plans not followed. And so many in this country have died where we lead the world in infections and deaths from the current pandemic.

But also businesses that were supposed to have risk management clearly did not. And despite having resources to prepare, clearly did not. Yet begged for federal bailouts with no shame.

What happened really? Guess we learned much apparent success was fake. And we learned that gamblers made profits taking risks that lead to mass death. We were fooled in a world that was shattered very quickly and now we're trying to adjust in this new one.

By we, feel like am talking about most people who struggled or were doing ok, or even well, in the world that was; who thought our world was well defended.

Yet a single lethal virus quickly revealed the truth as it penetrated nations globally and now continues.

Am still working on reaching complete health where focus is on my mental health. And my perspective turned upside down as realized how lucky I am. Got to real treatment just in time, before a world ended.

Now feel like humanity has a brave new one with focus becoming clear. And maybe we all can better figure out--real success.

Doing human right

Why paying properly is doing human right.

Am glad realized should be more open about my own personal financial situation, as have been financially stressed in ways where I think sharing publicly helps me figure things out, and may help others.

Where web has been a great place for me in stunning ways, where often talked a global attention reality, but more and more focused on the lack of revenue puzzle. Well lack of revenue, was a daily reality; while needing to eat, pay bills and have a place to stay is too, and not surprisingly ended up technically homeless.

Put it that way to indicate was not on the streets homeless, where so many people tragically are, and struggle with the most basic things, like not just how to eat or keep warm on cold days and night, but how to find bathrooms. Where when they don't? Or can't? Can become a serious public as well as personal problem, like in San Francisco, where the subject is gripping the news there. When crap is a big problem for your city, maybe you're not doing human right.

But am in Georgia, USA, which is in the Deep South and is the state where I grew up! Came back here from San Francisco back in early 2012 because figured was obvious to go back to more familiarity.

Will not recap things talked out in other blog posts, but more recently will note, came to Macon, from a homeless program for veterans out of Dublin at the VA hospital there. And one of the FIRST things did, within first month got here? I contacted an organization better known by its acronym called VECTR, which is in Warner Robins, GA. Talked to someone who helped me with my resume, but I explained really wanted to talk my web things...like I have an open source product with annual downloads routinely at 100+ countries. Well she said I should come there and talk. I had no way...went to other things.

Eventually DID get to VECTR though, when driven by a veteran who the Salvation Army had hired, as was living in a shelter. THAT person at VECTR who I'd previously contacted, so many months prior, had left by then. And they had no record of my resume. Ok. Easy enough to give new. But yeah, was STILL emphasizing needed talking out on this global thing with the web! Eventually was convinced maybe needed more school, and reluctantly signed up for a class on computer networking which would also importantly lead to a certification. Then was told the instructor wasn't available, and had been signed up for another course: heating and air technician.

Let's digress. After American slavery there was a HUGE population of former slaves who were now looking to get work and get on with that pursuit of happiness we Americans prize so highly, am sure. But they'd been left out in the cold by the US federal government which left them at the mercy of the former slaveowners. And I don't think those folks were interested in doing human right, or in doing human beings right.

We know they terrorized that population, intimidated them into not voting as much as they could, or wrote laws restricting, and not surprisingly, were NOT exactly about paying well.

Deliberate underpay is a brutal way of human psychological torture, but requires: people actually take a job which pays beneath their skills.

Population of people freed from slavery? At your mercy when you have none? Needing jobs? Well those former slaveowners would learn LOTS back then, working on them, with people under huge pressure to take any job offered. The psychological warfare techniques do, I admit, impress me. I study them too, you know? But back to subject of work.

Well I have a degree in physics, am a software developer with an open source project used around the globe. Could conceivably be making millions but realistically at a base should be making six figures. But feel like need to figure out this web thing, you know? So liken it to getting a law degree, while law is still relentlessly evolving, but there are no law schools, so you have to research first, build your own curriculum, and then teach, yourself.

Yeah I do like a challenge. Is actually going well, I think. But oh yeah, there is that lack of revenue.

Back to my situation then as was a bit stunned. Heating and air technician? But was in a Salvation Army shelter where had been for MONTHS, and besides, was kind of curious. Decided would roll with it. So went into the heating and air course, not surprisingly was top student, got a scholarship, got a car and ended up on television.

Fascinating.

Then was talking to a LOT of friendly heating and air business owners, many of whom were very politely noting my physics degree from Vanderbilt University, like sensible people. I noted to a person at VECTR and got pushback. Tell them was a long time ago, she said.

Today governments are finally recognizing the brutal human cost of deliberate underpay. But I have wondered about civil rights movements: how could not have focused on not allowing what is in essence part-time slavery by letting people pay you only for so much work, so the rest is FREE, so they pocket the difference? You're psychologically brutalized as you've been cheated. And maybe they come to workplace one day with yet another flashy new car, your pay helped them get.

Black people in the US should be the LEAST underpaid population in the country, given the brutal history of this nation. But people have to be taught about all that, eh? So why wasn't I? That's ok, I figured it out on my own.

Slavery was and is as modern slavery tragically exists, a parasitic human enterprise. 

Those slaveowners were human parasites who FED off the effort of human beings. Can assure you that parasitic humans do not do human right. 

Might help explain the relentlessness of labor laws trying to push employers not to do things like rape their employees? And how well has that worked, eh? Consider American entertainment industry and recent revelations.

As have noted before, we need to face the legacy of American slavery. And yes, my search for revenue, continues. Still am figuring out this web thing. Is like am polishing up my curriculum, while pondering my only student, me, he's struggling a bit, while research continues as web—just keeps changing. Ok.

When support tests relationships

Am in a unique position appreciate more and more. My major stressor for over a decade has been trying both to handle global attention as revealed by third party sources like Google, Twitter and Pinterest though web analytics, but also to appreciate my own mental fragility in certain areas.

Before did glide along as like to say, with a sense of handling things and taking care of myself as a very independent person, while feeling frustrated with my wariness in relationships.

And THOUGHT was more advanced in talking sexual abuse by two teenage girl babysitters when was 5.

But was shocked to get massive relief recently by FINALLY talking being beaten till I bled by my father when was 6. Where concluded was legacy slave training, which afflicts a population in the US not facing a brutal legacy.

Can be difficult to explain my mental things I think, even to myself. Feel like is against my training to properly accept. And now have come up with an analogy I find useful and will share as think will probably use a lot if really works well.

Like imagine a runner, who develops a hairline fracture in one or both legs, and GOES TO a doctor, who diagnoses it, and gets a treatment plan, which includes plenty of leg rest. But that runner's family? Gets tired of that person lying around and suggests is actually lazy...why not running like in the past? (Even though doing OTHER things MASSIVE with global reach, just not...running while legs are healing.)

And let us say that person exhausts family support and goes to others. And gets shocked at times, by a jolt, from some people supposedly helping trying to jolt into a run!!! Turns out? These people are looking at the person and are like, they don't see anything wrong.

Ok, well doctor...they don't believe in doctors, or any of that nonsense...they just know when people don't want to work! Or, um run. And this analogy begins to stretch credulity with PHYSICAL concerns.

But how many may know people who do NOT believe in mental health concerns? Maybe do not believe in any of it, think is all a way for lazy people to get over or, maybe think they just need religion? Or something else wacky?

So they PUSH and can happen that there is some break, as a person in mental and emotional AGONY, can respond like someone who has a hairline fracture in their legs being pushed into running all out, by others who refuse to care.

Am lucky though. As I process through my situation am more into leveraging it as well. And more into having no pity: if you are supposed to help people and refuse to accept medical diagnosis? Then I have no problem with that not working out well for you.

As get useful medical care, and continuing support thanks to being a veteran, and thanks to Bibb County, through Macon Housing Authority, appreciate the simplest thing: support that has the goal of real recovery.

Have run into people who clearly prefer to play games with other people's lives. And I'm like, ok.

We will witness, where we are the world, how that works out for you.

Which to me is a promise of transparency and as well as I can, best process.

Public works better for both. And in my opinion, is far safer too.


James Harris