Have discussed impact of American slavery more than once on this blog. Like was stunning to me to conclude that Black folks were trained to take unequal pay, with lessons learned with the aftermath of slavery over 150 years ago. Yet still today, so many will accept far less money than they should in pay, so the people cheating them, can simply pocket it.
Deciding you will not be held by things from a tragic past is a great thing I believe for Black people in the US. But how do you know?
Like grew up in Georgia, USA, with parents who thought of themselves as devout Christians, and received beatings with a leather belt, including one so intense from my father that my legs were bleeding. I was six years old. Will never forget. And I know I know what torture feels like, from experience.
Years ago was shocked when came across the information that an adult who has never been beaten may die when first whipped. The shock of the whip can kill them. So they need to be prepared for it. And works best when beaten from a young age. And I knew why, finally.
My parents were preparing me for whips that were silenced over 150 years ago, and yet would probably not accept such an explanation. Repeatedly have heard Black people in the South bragging about beating their children, infuriated at attempts to stop them.
We are born equal, as human beings. But tragic mechanisms can be propagated endlessly until faced.
I imagine that slave families preferred to beat their children ahead of the slaveowners, who made sure it was done, to limit losses when whipping adults.
Today all people in the US need to demand proper pay for their work. Is that simple. And we need also to demand safe spaces. Just some simple things to actually move this country beyond past horrors.
So yes, I talk about torture as I do as have experienced it--as a child. I pray that no longer is routine for any American children, but for now? We are not there yet.
Dare I admit that a part of me struggles with the weakness I feel I witness in others though? That yeah, being beaten so brutally made me different. And yeah I understand torture, and power. Am scared of myself too at times, but feel better admitting it here. I know how to inflict pain.
How does one gain the power of such knowledge--safely? I wonder.
But I can choose to be someone I can keep liking. Can choose to be a friend to my species. Can choose to try to be a better human being.
Maybe as a kid? You really just need to take martial arts classes, if need to go in a certain direction. Yeah, I like that answer. Am certain getting beaten viciously is not the way.
We can do better as human beings in training our children am sure. We can do better in finding best ways.
James Harris
Wednesday, August 21, 2019
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
Truth, belief and facts considered
Having people believe you can seem so basic, until it becomes hard. And for years now did not realize the devastating impact on me until finally had someone at the VA who simply did not dismiss or ignore facts. And have been open about seeking out mental health. It is a great thing. And appreciate that my status as a veteran means can get it, but what good if you are not believed?
In my case of course now it seems obvious that finding out have things that pull attention from 100+ countries might have an impact, including anxiety. Where also, yeah, if you are talking to a person who pulls that kind of attention that can impact you as well.
And yeah, have thought about wanting some of these VA folks to go before US Congress and testify about how they could ignore CHECKABLE facts from veterans, like myself, and then proceed as if those were irrelevant, even when pushed.
Like with me, web was dismissed--over and over and over again, until now. And feel like maybe am talking more freely because finally got a therapist who was accepting rather than dismissive and rejecting. And make no mistake, when am talking about prior people with VA dismissing the web they were not nice about it really. I'd get the feeling like they thought I was an idiot or was just lazy or lived in a fantasy world. And what could I do?
And yeah, to the US Congress I think part of reforming the VA is checking with veterans as to whether or not FACTS with regard to them are believed or DISMISSED by VA providers. From my talks with other veterans I think it is a huge and outrageous problem, where if a VA person doesn't feel comfortable or interested with a FACT in YOUR case then can just bizarrely proceed--as if does not exist.
You have to believe in people. How can you help someone if you refuse to show you believe in them in important ways? In my experience, you cannot. And found was not helped, as my problems continued.
Seems simple to me: how about a simple question for veterans like myself as to whether feel like checkable facts have been carefully noted and actually considered when elevated as important.
Like in my case is easy enough to web search. Search on: Class Viewer.
There is a website on SourceForge which should come up on any search engine. Comes up on all the ones I try. And you can click on, go to download stats, and shift to annual, like look at 2018.
Just did that for THIS post and there were downloads from 105 countries last year. Last one listed is Qatar.
IF you had something pulling attention from over 100 countries annually, and had a sense that getting that RIGHT was important how would you feel if some VA staffer supposedly helping you not only DISMISSED but refused to even check?
I've been infuriated. And make no mistake, maybe some of them will end up in front of the US Congress trying to explain if I can make it happen. I think would be great for the VA, great for veterans to get taken seriously--ALWAYS, and great for our country.
And hey, now kudos to the VA as have someone now helping me who DOES take me seriously, so can end on a positive. Right now desperately need that help. But when I hear about veterans who...just too many sad stories and am not surprised. I wonder who in the VA was not really listening with them.
James Harris
In my case of course now it seems obvious that finding out have things that pull attention from 100+ countries might have an impact, including anxiety. Where also, yeah, if you are talking to a person who pulls that kind of attention that can impact you as well.
And yeah, have thought about wanting some of these VA folks to go before US Congress and testify about how they could ignore CHECKABLE facts from veterans, like myself, and then proceed as if those were irrelevant, even when pushed.
Like with me, web was dismissed--over and over and over again, until now. And feel like maybe am talking more freely because finally got a therapist who was accepting rather than dismissive and rejecting. And make no mistake, when am talking about prior people with VA dismissing the web they were not nice about it really. I'd get the feeling like they thought I was an idiot or was just lazy or lived in a fantasy world. And what could I do?
And yeah, to the US Congress I think part of reforming the VA is checking with veterans as to whether or not FACTS with regard to them are believed or DISMISSED by VA providers. From my talks with other veterans I think it is a huge and outrageous problem, where if a VA person doesn't feel comfortable or interested with a FACT in YOUR case then can just bizarrely proceed--as if does not exist.
You have to believe in people. How can you help someone if you refuse to show you believe in them in important ways? In my experience, you cannot. And found was not helped, as my problems continued.
Seems simple to me: how about a simple question for veterans like myself as to whether feel like checkable facts have been carefully noted and actually considered when elevated as important.
Like in my case is easy enough to web search. Search on: Class Viewer.
There is a website on SourceForge which should come up on any search engine. Comes up on all the ones I try. And you can click on, go to download stats, and shift to annual, like look at 2018.
Just did that for THIS post and there were downloads from 105 countries last year. Last one listed is Qatar.
IF you had something pulling attention from over 100 countries annually, and had a sense that getting that RIGHT was important how would you feel if some VA staffer supposedly helping you not only DISMISSED but refused to even check?
I've been infuriated. And make no mistake, maybe some of them will end up in front of the US Congress trying to explain if I can make it happen. I think would be great for the VA, great for veterans to get taken seriously--ALWAYS, and great for our country.
And hey, now kudos to the VA as have someone now helping me who DOES take me seriously, so can end on a positive. Right now desperately need that help. But when I hear about veterans who...just too many sad stories and am not surprised. I wonder who in the VA was not really listening with them.
James Harris
Monday, May 13, 2019
Global opportunity and natural risk
Having great news can also mean things can get more difficult in ways, which have experienced for years with a challenging situation involving global attention. And definitely sought for years as for years worked at making my own major mathematical discoveries where also now readily admit had an eye at challenging racist notions by being a major discoverer.
Well over 15 years ago managed to get published with a paper that demonstrated that you could appear to prove one thing with established mathematical ideas where you could disprove with a second argument. That is, I thoroughly demonstrated that the foundation of established mathematics was flawed and with a published paper. Have talked that situation in-depth on my math blog where here will note the chief editor deleted my paper out of the electronic edition, claiming was withdrawn when it was not. That math journal managed one more edition then shutdown, and its hosting university scrubbed its existence from its website!
Way wacky but also kind of messed up cool, eh? That was very stunning to me.
Of course one possibility had to consider was that I was just wrong. And regardless felt like wasn't much I could do, as back then was committed to getting official recognition and following the rules. And I DID follow the rules and GOT published, but hey, like I said, maybe I was wrong? (I wasn't wrong.)
Well without official recognition and help, worked on figuring it all out myself, and also figured should keep going with my math discovery. Which was a great decision! And now have verified THAT prior paper, while simplifying and doing many other things. (Like I put out the idea that entertainment is: any way to safely control your mood.)
Late 2010 decided should put up a recent picture to show was a Black guy focused on math and computers as oh yeah, also put up my open source Class Viewer back in 2004, and had found out was getting downloaded from all over the world. A bit after putting up my picture got laid off from my day-job working at an insurance company as a claims technician which involved a lot of data entry primarily of numbers--which not surprisingly I really liked!
Well had a great package with the lay-off off and saw as an opportunity to finally focus on these web things again, and decided I should just figure it out!
So focused on my global standing as went over my blogs with a different way. Weird to state but probably was first time accepted in some way that I did need to work on it, but didn't tell myself that consciously I don't think. Just felt like needed to clean things up.
Web is so new! And am sure in the future will seem incredible that I had such a debate around web stats showing global interest or have struggled as much as I have with figuring out how to monetize. But was looking at a report of 125 countries/territories visiting my math blog, as Google Analytics put it.
And remember I'd gotten a published math paper with wacky happening, and had been certain needed the math establishment to bless my results for anything to happen.
The web analytics told otherwise. But then didn't seem to connect to much useful to me and was so mysterious wasn't sure of them.
Oh yeah, so also realized that being a Black guy meant would probably end up being political if my results were accepted whether I wished that to happen or not. And was ready for it to happen as wanted to challenge American racism head-on. And came up with my own political party called Core Middle Party and posted a platform on this blog back October 2011.
Was easier coming up with an entire political party than just writing down some political concepts, and now over 7 years later is more of a template I use to guide my politics. Back then wasn't sure if might not become an actual new political party, and that really messed with my mind too.
Need I emphasize how unsettled was with much of these things? Sure I'd started wanting my own major math discovery, and found could demonstrate problem with foundations of accepted mathematics, which was not properly acknowledged. Wrote an open source computer program, which went global, but didn't seem to do much else. And settling my political ideas, ended up making up my own political party, and that was just my life.
(Oh yeah does make relationships especially challenging. Spend exhausting amounts of time on the web so hard for that reason to meet anybody and especially possibles. And even if I did get out more, can you imagine trying to explain these things to an interested woman? Would she stay interested? Seems to me so much like a muddled mess. So am not surprised have also ended up being relentlessly single.)
While meanwhile needed an income. And have talked much of the struggles there. But am looking at much news now of people who reached highly, but couldn't back it up with solid. Would rather do it my way, have that money a distant goal, than get it early and have things fall apart.
Yeah money is important, but safety is more important.
And hey, what if I DID become some major figure for Black folks before had it all settled and collapsed THEN into a muddled mess? I mean, hey, talking about foundations of MATHEMATICS have a demonstrated flaw? Could stop with just that, but there was so much more.
Yeah say for Black folks, but at this level, really is for the human species. Has taken me some time to accept that one as well. But hey, I put things up, and have from objective sources...attention from all over the world.
How'd I get here? Really? Can talk it and talk it, which helps me too. But a part of me, still wonders.
And where was the press? Where were other math people to back me up? Or any smart people to back me up?
Such questions easily can cause time to comfortably fly by, which is ok with me, now. If weren't for struggles making a living would be much calmer with it.
Looking at the news and paying close attention to people getting in trouble. And realize is better to go safer, slower and carefully. So what if am struggling with money, when at my level, could be dealing with much bigger problems and after having been declared some kind of success.
Time to process is time to get to a more stable place.
And at least am past using surreal all the time. For a bit kept going on and on about how was all so surreal. Is real. Is my life and so much of it is really great news. Just have to process is all.
Still, do have to worry about my global standing. Have come up with a simple set of phrases to help me:
One planet. Many peoples. One human species.
Finally, belatedly maybe talk more boldly about being a major discoverer, and even came up with what I think is a cool functional title: meta innovator
Am a 21st century major discoverer, and guess is not surprising things would be rather wild. Actually think is really cool am a Black guy. Have thought would have been great if a woman had my discoveries too, but think is just great someone from left field, you could say, did.
So gets to be me and more and more, am rolling with it. Oh yeah, so yeah, there is risk with this position why have to focus on my global standing! With attention from all over planet Earth, have to do my best to be responsible, and present well.
James Harris
Well over 15 years ago managed to get published with a paper that demonstrated that you could appear to prove one thing with established mathematical ideas where you could disprove with a second argument. That is, I thoroughly demonstrated that the foundation of established mathematics was flawed and with a published paper. Have talked that situation in-depth on my math blog where here will note the chief editor deleted my paper out of the electronic edition, claiming was withdrawn when it was not. That math journal managed one more edition then shutdown, and its hosting university scrubbed its existence from its website!
Way wacky but also kind of messed up cool, eh? That was very stunning to me.
Of course one possibility had to consider was that I was just wrong. And regardless felt like wasn't much I could do, as back then was committed to getting official recognition and following the rules. And I DID follow the rules and GOT published, but hey, like I said, maybe I was wrong? (I wasn't wrong.)
Well without official recognition and help, worked on figuring it all out myself, and also figured should keep going with my math discovery. Which was a great decision! And now have verified THAT prior paper, while simplifying and doing many other things. (Like I put out the idea that entertainment is: any way to safely control your mood.)
Late 2010 decided should put up a recent picture to show was a Black guy focused on math and computers as oh yeah, also put up my open source Class Viewer back in 2004, and had found out was getting downloaded from all over the world. A bit after putting up my picture got laid off from my day-job working at an insurance company as a claims technician which involved a lot of data entry primarily of numbers--which not surprisingly I really liked!
Well had a great package with the lay-off off and saw as an opportunity to finally focus on these web things again, and decided I should just figure it out!
So focused on my global standing as went over my blogs with a different way. Weird to state but probably was first time accepted in some way that I did need to work on it, but didn't tell myself that consciously I don't think. Just felt like needed to clean things up.
Web is so new! And am sure in the future will seem incredible that I had such a debate around web stats showing global interest or have struggled as much as I have with figuring out how to monetize. But was looking at a report of 125 countries/territories visiting my math blog, as Google Analytics put it.
And remember I'd gotten a published math paper with wacky happening, and had been certain needed the math establishment to bless my results for anything to happen.
The web analytics told otherwise. But then didn't seem to connect to much useful to me and was so mysterious wasn't sure of them.
Oh yeah, so also realized that being a Black guy meant would probably end up being political if my results were accepted whether I wished that to happen or not. And was ready for it to happen as wanted to challenge American racism head-on. And came up with my own political party called Core Middle Party and posted a platform on this blog back October 2011.
Was easier coming up with an entire political party than just writing down some political concepts, and now over 7 years later is more of a template I use to guide my politics. Back then wasn't sure if might not become an actual new political party, and that really messed with my mind too.
Need I emphasize how unsettled was with much of these things? Sure I'd started wanting my own major math discovery, and found could demonstrate problem with foundations of accepted mathematics, which was not properly acknowledged. Wrote an open source computer program, which went global, but didn't seem to do much else. And settling my political ideas, ended up making up my own political party, and that was just my life.
(Oh yeah does make relationships especially challenging. Spend exhausting amounts of time on the web so hard for that reason to meet anybody and especially possibles. And even if I did get out more, can you imagine trying to explain these things to an interested woman? Would she stay interested? Seems to me so much like a muddled mess. So am not surprised have also ended up being relentlessly single.)
While meanwhile needed an income. And have talked much of the struggles there. But am looking at much news now of people who reached highly, but couldn't back it up with solid. Would rather do it my way, have that money a distant goal, than get it early and have things fall apart.
Yeah money is important, but safety is more important.
And hey, what if I DID become some major figure for Black folks before had it all settled and collapsed THEN into a muddled mess? I mean, hey, talking about foundations of MATHEMATICS have a demonstrated flaw? Could stop with just that, but there was so much more.
Yeah say for Black folks, but at this level, really is for the human species. Has taken me some time to accept that one as well. But hey, I put things up, and have from objective sources...attention from all over the world.
How'd I get here? Really? Can talk it and talk it, which helps me too. But a part of me, still wonders.
And where was the press? Where were other math people to back me up? Or any smart people to back me up?
Such questions easily can cause time to comfortably fly by, which is ok with me, now. If weren't for struggles making a living would be much calmer with it.
Looking at the news and paying close attention to people getting in trouble. And realize is better to go safer, slower and carefully. So what if am struggling with money, when at my level, could be dealing with much bigger problems and after having been declared some kind of success.
Time to process is time to get to a more stable place.
And at least am past using surreal all the time. For a bit kept going on and on about how was all so surreal. Is real. Is my life and so much of it is really great news. Just have to process is all.
Still, do have to worry about my global standing. Have come up with a simple set of phrases to help me:
One planet. Many peoples. One human species.
Finally, belatedly maybe talk more boldly about being a major discoverer, and even came up with what I think is a cool functional title: meta innovator
Am a 21st century major discoverer, and guess is not surprising things would be rather wild. Actually think is really cool am a Black guy. Have thought would have been great if a woman had my discoveries too, but think is just great someone from left field, you could say, did.
So gets to be me and more and more, am rolling with it. Oh yeah, so yeah, there is risk with this position why have to focus on my global standing! With attention from all over planet Earth, have to do my best to be responsible, and present well.
James Harris
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