Having great news can also mean things can get more difficult in ways, which have experienced for years with a challenging situation involving global attention. And definitely sought for years as for years worked at making my own major mathematical discoveries where also now readily admit had an eye at challenging racist notions by being a major discoverer.
Well over 15 years ago managed to get published with a paper that demonstrated that you could appear to prove one thing with established mathematical ideas where you could disprove with a second argument. That is, I thoroughly demonstrated that the foundation of established mathematics was flawed and with a published paper. Have talked that situation in-depth on my math blog where here will note the chief editor deleted my paper out of the electronic edition, claiming was withdrawn when it was not. That math journal managed one more edition then shutdown, and its hosting university scrubbed its existence from its website!
Way wacky but also kind of messed up cool, eh? That was very stunning to me.
Of course one possibility had to consider was that I was just wrong. And regardless felt like wasn't much I could do, as back then was committed to getting official recognition and following the rules. And I DID follow the rules and GOT published, but hey, like I said, maybe I was wrong? (I wasn't wrong.)
Well without official recognition and help, worked on figuring it all out myself, and also figured should keep going with my math discovery. Which was a great decision! And now have verified THAT prior paper, while simplifying and doing many other things. (Like I put out the idea that entertainment is: any way to safely control your mood.)
Late 2010 decided should put up a recent picture to show was a Black guy focused on math and computers as oh yeah, also put up my open source Class Viewer back in 2004, and had found out was getting downloaded from all over the world. A bit after putting up my picture got laid off from my day-job working at an insurance company as a claims technician which involved a lot of data entry primarily of numbers--which not surprisingly I really liked!
Well had a great package with the lay-off off and saw as an opportunity to finally focus on these web things again, and decided I should just figure it out!
So focused on my global standing as went over my blogs with a different way. Weird to state but probably was first time accepted in some way that I did need to work on it, but didn't tell myself that consciously I don't think. Just felt like needed to clean things up.
Web is so new! And am sure in the future will seem incredible that I had such a debate around web stats showing global interest or have struggled as much as I have with figuring out how to monetize. But was looking at a report of 125 countries/territories visiting my math blog, as Google Analytics put it.
And remember I'd gotten a published math paper with wacky happening, and had been certain needed the math establishment to bless my results for anything to happen.
The web analytics told otherwise. But then didn't seem to connect to much useful to me and was so mysterious wasn't sure of them.
Oh yeah, so also realized that being a Black guy meant would probably end up being political if my results were accepted whether I wished that to happen or not. And was ready for it to happen as wanted to challenge American racism head-on. And came up with my own political party called Core Middle Party and posted a platform on this blog back October 2011.
Was easier coming up with an entire political party than just writing down some political concepts, and now over 7 years later is more of a template I use to guide my politics. Back then wasn't sure if might not become an actual new political party, and that really messed with my mind too.
Need I emphasize how unsettled was with much of these things? Sure I'd started wanting my own major math discovery, and found could demonstrate problem with foundations of accepted mathematics, which was not properly acknowledged. Wrote an open source computer program, which went global, but didn't seem to do much else. And settling my political ideas, ended up making up my own political party, and that was just my life.
(Oh yeah does make relationships especially challenging. Spend exhausting amounts of time on the web so hard for that reason to meet anybody and especially possibles. And even if I did get out more, can you imagine trying to explain these things to an interested woman? Would she stay interested? Seems to me so much like a muddled mess. So am not surprised have also ended up being relentlessly single.)
While meanwhile needed an income. And have talked much of the struggles there. But am looking at much news now of people who reached highly, but couldn't back it up with solid. Would rather do it my way, have that money a distant goal, than get it early and have things fall apart.
Yeah money is important, but safety is more important.
And hey, what if I DID become some major figure for Black folks before had it all settled and collapsed THEN into a muddled mess? I mean, hey, talking about foundations of MATHEMATICS have a demonstrated flaw? Could stop with just that, but there was so much more.
Yeah say for Black folks, but at this level, really is for the human species. Has taken me some time to accept that one as well. But hey, I put things up, and have from objective sources...attention from all over the world.
How'd I get here? Really? Can talk it and talk it, which helps me too. But a part of me, still wonders.
And where was the press? Where were other math people to back me up? Or any smart people to back me up?
Such questions easily can cause time to comfortably fly by, which is ok with me, now. If weren't for struggles making a living would be much calmer with it.
Looking at the news and paying close attention to people getting in trouble. And realize is better to go safer, slower and carefully. So what if am struggling with money, when at my level, could be dealing with much bigger problems and after having been declared some kind of success.
Time to process is time to get to a more stable place.
And at least am past using surreal all the time. For a bit kept going on and on about how was all so surreal. Is real. Is my life and so much of it is really great news. Just have to process is all.
Still, do have to worry about my global standing. Have come up with a simple set of phrases to help me:
One planet. Many peoples. One human species.
Finally, belatedly maybe talk more boldly about being a major discoverer, and even came up with what I think is a cool functional title: meta innovator
Am a 21st century major discoverer, and guess is not surprising things would be rather wild. Actually think is really cool am a Black guy. Have thought would have been great if a woman had my discoveries too, but think is just great someone from left field, you could say, did.
So gets to be me and more and more, am rolling with it. Oh yeah, so yeah, there is risk with this position why have to focus on my global standing! With attention from all over planet Earth, have to do my best to be responsible, and present well.
James Harris
Monday, May 13, 2019
Thursday, April 4, 2019
Progress, setback, and thoughts on proper planning
Have realized probably have a responsibility to continue my story having shared so much already, where am glad I have. And think part of that responsibility is to community as am still relying much on substantial community support.
One good thing that DID happen was got a job in the heating and air industry, which lasted under two months, but am certain was a net positive. (Did help my perspective to watch the documentary Fired! from 2007, where Annabelle Gurwitch with some comedy handles that weighty subject.)
So yeah GOT a job thankfully--where was entry level as a helper, and was using NONE of the training had received before as was primarily work installing air conditioning and heating systems. My training was primarily on service. But was ok at first. Am handy with power tools and could handle moving around a construction area. Still was disconcerting at times being in the rafters wondering how I got there.
Am 49 years old. Have been an office worker my entire life. Even in the military worked in big hospitals and NOT in the field. Still I think I DID manage ok. But yeah, got fired so here is bit more on that story as worked with mostly a great group of folks. And got a LOT of help from very patient and knowledgeable people trying to train a newbie. But also ran into trouble with exactly TWO people who were, let's say relentlessly hostile.
With one reported to a manager, which just made him madder. And fired up the other who went over the line and I reported him to HR. And was to meet with the HR person in the morning the next day. But that morning before that meeting, got called in by the manager and told was fired. Ok, so enough there.
Good news is got a good introduction into the heating and air industry which was more complete and yeah, could actually hold my own. And noticed could handle the other things basic to a job, like showed up always on time and was never late. Worked hard the entire time, as was a point of pride for me which was glad to know had kept. It felt good to be working again, while it lasted.
Also did get some paychecks which gives me some room for proper planning for the next steps. Where yeah, good planning should work better. Was glad for the opportunity but felt rushed into getting ANYTHING before. Now can take more time and plan better.
Oh yeah, so why do I even need to go into another industry when have a degree in physics and experience as a software developer? Good question. More and more am wondering about some of my decision-making and yup, am looking to rely more on others. Reality is haven't really tested potential of my degree or full work experience because of the other things, which I used to like to call the wacky.
So yeah, am better at realizing that knowing have a web reach of 100+ countries EVERY single year is something need to fully understand. And yeah, am being correct that is a business risk for others.
For those who wonder, yeah I have on my resume for that reason. But don't think it necessarily registers with people for some reason. Best guess is: web is so new! There isn't framework maybe to process that information for most? Yeah considering am struggling with it myself, but also am at the center of the storm is how I like to put it. Is hard for me to get outsider perspective.
The web has introduced so many unknowns.
And at least am beyond thinking can just ignore certain facts. Even being potentially known in over 100 countries is not something you can just ignore. Duh. But I have tried before.
And why would I? Because so far so much of it is mysterious as have talked here, or contrary to my expectations, and especially so far, seems bizarrely distant from me making MONEY so it can be infuriating as well.
But you gotta pay the bills, you know? Yeah, of course you do. We all do, one way or another or somebody has to for us. And I need to be back fully in charge.
Oh, yeah, but that 100+ number comes from my open source software project Class Viewer. Which is a tool for Java developers so also there is that comfort that am providing community support myself.
And have plenty of things shared, like here! Where like to think is helpful for our world.
Yeah it is odd to realize that from objective evidence, not my fantasy but data from others, have that global reach.
The exposure at this level is also something has to be considered. Thankfully recent experience let me compare local press coverage exposure as have talked here (here's a link to a video), so can try to get a better handle that way too now.
It IS so very new the reality we have. The web has changed so much.
And guess I get to be one of the pathfinders out here which have noted before. Challenges? Ok. Will handle as best I can. Figure things out as fast as I can, and just keep plugging at it.
Still like that analogy to being like working on a law degree. But like where the changes are continuous, and you're creating the curriculum, testing yourself, and few people recognize it.
But more people are, am sure.
James Harris
One good thing that DID happen was got a job in the heating and air industry, which lasted under two months, but am certain was a net positive. (Did help my perspective to watch the documentary Fired! from 2007, where Annabelle Gurwitch with some comedy handles that weighty subject.)
So yeah GOT a job thankfully--where was entry level as a helper, and was using NONE of the training had received before as was primarily work installing air conditioning and heating systems. My training was primarily on service. But was ok at first. Am handy with power tools and could handle moving around a construction area. Still was disconcerting at times being in the rafters wondering how I got there.
Am 49 years old. Have been an office worker my entire life. Even in the military worked in big hospitals and NOT in the field. Still I think I DID manage ok. But yeah, got fired so here is bit more on that story as worked with mostly a great group of folks. And got a LOT of help from very patient and knowledgeable people trying to train a newbie. But also ran into trouble with exactly TWO people who were, let's say relentlessly hostile.
With one reported to a manager, which just made him madder. And fired up the other who went over the line and I reported him to HR. And was to meet with the HR person in the morning the next day. But that morning before that meeting, got called in by the manager and told was fired. Ok, so enough there.
Good news is got a good introduction into the heating and air industry which was more complete and yeah, could actually hold my own. And noticed could handle the other things basic to a job, like showed up always on time and was never late. Worked hard the entire time, as was a point of pride for me which was glad to know had kept. It felt good to be working again, while it lasted.
Also did get some paychecks which gives me some room for proper planning for the next steps. Where yeah, good planning should work better. Was glad for the opportunity but felt rushed into getting ANYTHING before. Now can take more time and plan better.
Oh yeah, so why do I even need to go into another industry when have a degree in physics and experience as a software developer? Good question. More and more am wondering about some of my decision-making and yup, am looking to rely more on others. Reality is haven't really tested potential of my degree or full work experience because of the other things, which I used to like to call the wacky.
So yeah, am better at realizing that knowing have a web reach of 100+ countries EVERY single year is something need to fully understand. And yeah, am being correct that is a business risk for others.
For those who wonder, yeah I have on my resume for that reason. But don't think it necessarily registers with people for some reason. Best guess is: web is so new! There isn't framework maybe to process that information for most? Yeah considering am struggling with it myself, but also am at the center of the storm is how I like to put it. Is hard for me to get outsider perspective.
The web has introduced so many unknowns.
And at least am beyond thinking can just ignore certain facts. Even being potentially known in over 100 countries is not something you can just ignore. Duh. But I have tried before.
And why would I? Because so far so much of it is mysterious as have talked here, or contrary to my expectations, and especially so far, seems bizarrely distant from me making MONEY so it can be infuriating as well.
But you gotta pay the bills, you know? Yeah, of course you do. We all do, one way or another or somebody has to for us. And I need to be back fully in charge.
Oh, yeah, but that 100+ number comes from my open source software project Class Viewer. Which is a tool for Java developers so also there is that comfort that am providing community support myself.
And have plenty of things shared, like here! Where like to think is helpful for our world.
Yeah it is odd to realize that from objective evidence, not my fantasy but data from others, have that global reach.
The exposure at this level is also something has to be considered. Thankfully recent experience let me compare local press coverage exposure as have talked here (here's a link to a video), so can try to get a better handle that way too now.
It IS so very new the reality we have. The web has changed so much.
And guess I get to be one of the pathfinders out here which have noted before. Challenges? Ok. Will handle as best I can. Figure things out as fast as I can, and just keep plugging at it.
Still like that analogy to being like working on a law degree. But like where the changes are continuous, and you're creating the curriculum, testing yourself, and few people recognize it.
But more people are, am sure.
James Harris
Tuesday, January 29, 2019
Growing up different
Growing up as a Black person in the American Deep South was also growing up told was gifted, and could be anyone I wanted: First college course when was 12 at Abraham Baldwin Agricultural College; Couple of summers at Duke University for their Talent Identification Program; And on to Vanderbilt University when graduated high school with highest SAT of my class.
And did get my B.Sc. in Physics in four years.
But what did I really wish to be?
Now like to call myself a meta innovator, and worked to dominate a search on.
Have posted here about certain things somewhat with: When civilization advances
But realized there can be many questions still I should try to answer.
Have had more than 23 years since my first major math discovery. Has been about 15 years since I dramatically demonstrated a problem with the foundations of mathematics. And over 3 years since functionally defined entertainment with a world of changes since then.
Older views on race ARE collapsing as more people learn was just a social construct--made up by racists. And the web helps a world of humans better keep up with human reality.
Human is human.
The world does keep up with me more than I like to admit in ways, while have routinely talked my global reach which is 100+ countries annually. Though for that number primarily reference my open source project for software developers. But that gives me my most direct objective evidence from downloads.
And my struggles with finding my proper place in this world are not that surprising to me. For someone like myself making money becomes a bigger question which has implications for human society in general. And my studies of money and economics are already changing our world as can more simply make the case for things like gender equality and proper pay.
Must work now to find place for my best work for pay and I relish the challenge. My greatest intellectual accomplishments am confident are behind me. The shattering of past things that did not work for simpler intellectual tools that do is a wonder that I appreciate.
But finding my place working shoulder to shoulder with my fellow human beings is what will bring me most satisfaction in life, am sure. And is key to taking care of myself and being able to support a family.
Is worth my best efforts there as well.
James Harris
And did get my B.Sc. in Physics in four years.
But what did I really wish to be?
Now like to call myself a meta innovator, and worked to dominate a search on.
Have posted here about certain things somewhat with: When civilization advances
But realized there can be many questions still I should try to answer.
Have had more than 23 years since my first major math discovery. Has been about 15 years since I dramatically demonstrated a problem with the foundations of mathematics. And over 3 years since functionally defined entertainment with a world of changes since then.
Older views on race ARE collapsing as more people learn was just a social construct--made up by racists. And the web helps a world of humans better keep up with human reality.
Human is human.
The world does keep up with me more than I like to admit in ways, while have routinely talked my global reach which is 100+ countries annually. Though for that number primarily reference my open source project for software developers. But that gives me my most direct objective evidence from downloads.
And my struggles with finding my proper place in this world are not that surprising to me. For someone like myself making money becomes a bigger question which has implications for human society in general. And my studies of money and economics are already changing our world as can more simply make the case for things like gender equality and proper pay.
Must work now to find place for my best work for pay and I relish the challenge. My greatest intellectual accomplishments am confident are behind me. The shattering of past things that did not work for simpler intellectual tools that do is a wonder that I appreciate.
But finding my place working shoulder to shoulder with my fellow human beings is what will bring me most satisfaction in life, am sure. And is key to taking care of myself and being able to support a family.
Is worth my best efforts there as well.
James Harris
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